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  • Our new Brandeis fight-song

    By Michael Sitzman
    October 27, 2006
    Section: Arts, Etc.


    Dear Alma Mater, we shall eer be true to you
    And well uphold the honor of the white and blue!
    And after evry time a victry we have won
    Well know our Brandeis pride is what has spurred us on!
    So hear our rallying cry as we declare as one:
    Our dear old Brandeis, on to greater heights! Fight on!

    We just dont know how to have fun, some folks may think
    Weve better things to do on weekends than to drink
    And that is why our campus plice come round at one
    And shut our parties down, lest we have too much fun
    The underage who drink should best be on the run
    Just drive em underground;

    the problems solved! Fight on!

    Official parties will be safer, it is hoped,
    And then well never need fear being pinched or groped;

    No student ever did endure a harsher plight!
    Tis better far to have a safe, teetotal night
    Lawsuits are not a match officials long to fight;

    Whom are they really seeking to protect? thats right!

    Accommodations are a scarcity, its true
    So when youre locked out, you should take the longer view:
    Be glad youre stuck out in your boxers in the hall
    Unlike the other guy whos got no room next Fall
    For we all know the schools endowments very small
    Enough new rooms must wait (if they get built at all).

    And as for parking, lest you be inclined to balk
    Believe them when they say its healthier to walk!
    Theyre working on the problem, and we know theyll lick it
    Theres just no reason for us to protest or picket
    The other day, why, even my car got a ticket!
    What do you say, my friends? They know where they can stick it.

    While educations rising cost leaves us need
    (Even the cost of livings rise will it exceed)
    Departments budgets face an ever-shrinking purse
    So we can local merchants WhoCash reimburse
    And you can rail, you can complain, and you can curse;

    Stand by if you dont think it could get any worse.

    They sing the praises of inclusiveness, no end
    When youre an entering first-year, Gil is your best friend
    But grads are given the cold shoulder, have you guessed
    Ordered to leave the party, threatened with arrest
    At Deis, diversitys hypocrisy at best
    (Just ask Walaa;

    I wonder if he would attest.)

    If youre impaired in learning, do not be afraid
    Accommodations, as the law requires, are made
    Why, at a school committed to equality,
    Have I now lost three friends to disability?
    All were thrown out the back-door, quick as one, two, three
    And all were men;

    I say, thats quite an irony.

    But never be convinced the struggles done, my friends
    The good fight must be fought;

    in fact, it never ends
    So unprogressive is our schools regime, alas
    But, as my grandmother once said, this too shall pass
    Til then, lets sing this fight-song loudly and en masse.
    I say to this administration: Kiss my feet!

    —–

    Careful with the Horseradish;

    its hot.


    More posts by Michael Sitzman


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