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Hold on to your snacks
A man in Des Moines, Iowa, made an official complaint to police that his son assaulted him, leading to his sons arrest on the charge of domestic assault. An investigation revealed the dirty details: his son, angry at him during an argument, had chucked a bag of Cheetos in his direction. The bag hit his glasses, causing them to bump up against his nose and cut him. Other damage included Cheetos dust all over his shirt. A new warning label will henceforth be placed on all Frito Lay products warning against use as a weapon.

Avoid the scat
A new ordinance amendment to be reviewed shortly in Madison, Wisconsin, states that police officers on K-9 unit duty dont have to clean up after their dogs once the deed is done. The idea is to allow police to concentrate more on their true duties. A local chief, upon hearing of the proposed ordinance, has stated that his officers will continue to clean up after their canines.

Just name your kid John Doe
Officials in Venezuela are attempting to pass a bill banning parents from giving their children names that are hard to pronounce or that could expose them to ridicule and taunting later in life. Such names, according to officials, place children in situations that harm their childhood mental development and sense of security. Among the names that have been banned is Superman. Opponents to the bill have noted that even Superman is registered as an official voter in Venezuela. Venezuelan officials retorted that, in fact, there are two Venezuelans registered under that name.

Burglar has change of heart
A man in New Zealand broke into a couples home through a glass window and stole several items of value, including a wallet, laptop and camera, yet the couple has no grounds for insurance claims on the items. When the homeowners returned home later that day, they found the items, along with a basketball and some gloves that the burglar had purchased on their credit card along on their kitchen table. Along with the items was an apologetic note left by the burglar, claiming that he was very sorry and promising to leave money in their mailbox in order to pay for the broken window.