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I would like to apologize to my fans for my two week hiatus. I was hindered by the flu and swamped with job interviews and homework assignments, which is why this column was on the DL. In any event, I would like to dedicate this particular article to the current Brandeis Student Union elections that have been taking place during the past week.

As I’m sure most of you know by now, the elections finally came to a conclusion this past Tuesday, much to my relief. I don’t know about you, but I was getting pretty sick of being approached by random people whom I had never met before, urging me to vote for them. It got to the point where I would be studying in the library and a complete stranger would interrupt my reading to ask me for my vote. It’s one thing if I’m friendly with you and you casually mention that you are running for Student Union VP and you would appreciate it if I voted for you, but if I don’t know you, please don’t ask me to vote for you. In fact, if I don’t know you, please don’t ever approach me about anything.

Thankfully, the end of the elections also means the end of receiving annoying emails courtesy of the student union candidates, informing us that we can “Vote Now!” Some of the candidates even had their friends send emails on their behalf. Listen, I don’t care if you and your friend think you would be a great candidate for Student Union President. Let me talk to the kid who moved out of your room freshmen year because he couldn’t stand living with you anymore and see what he thinks about your ability to lead the Student Union.

Another problem I have with the campaigning techniques of this year’s candidates, is the fact that they don’t even support real issues. One candidate claimed that he would bring students “real power.” What does that even mean? I feel like that is probably code for, “I am going to attempt to raise your tuition so that it is even higher than it already is right now and I would like to insert a toll booth at the base of campus, that will charge students and extra .25 cents each time they wish to set foot on campus.”

This year’s campaigns aggravated me so much, that I decided to vote for the first time since enrolling at Brandeis four years ago. Since I had never voted before, I wanted to make my votes count, so I took the time to make sure that I found the right nominee for each position. Ironically, I chose the same contender for each category because I really liked that this competitor refrained from bothering me all week with worthless emails and irritating encounters. I voted for a little fella who goes by the name of ABSTAIN. You might have heard of him…