A: SM is an umbrella term for a broad range of erotic play behaviors. It is known for BDSM and more extreme types of play. BDSM stands for three different things: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sado-Masochism. Some better-known types of play included in BDSM are bondage and flogging.

But SM actually includes a number of activities that are pretty routine in erotic play, such as blindfolding, dressing up, or even tickling. Not all of these activities are sexual. For example, a person might enjoy being flogged just for the physical sensation the same way another person enjoys exercise or a massage. Of course, many times SM play is sexual, and allows people to explore their sexual fantasies through role-playing.

The common factor between all types of SM is that they are completely consensual. Today we use SM instead of S&M since the separation of the terms implies that someone is only sadist or only masochist, and disregards the fact that one cannot be sadist without another being masochistic in a mutually consensual agreement. Before any type of SM play, the participants (usually a top, or dominant person, and a bottom or submissive person) discuss comfort levels and negotiate limits. The bottom is actually the one calling the shots in a SM scene, because it is up to them to decide what their partner can and cant do to them. A top must stay within the pre-arranged parameters in order for the scene to remain consensual.

But even when a top does stay within those parameters, a scene can sometimes become overwhelming or scary. For this reason, “safewords” are an essential part of SM play. A safeword is a word completely unrelated to sex (like window treatment, or just safeword) that is agreed upon by both partners. If either partner feels uncomfortable at any point during the roleplay, or scene, they can say the pre-negotiated safeword and the scene will stop. This is a much better idea than using the word Stop! because that might be something the partners want to say and hear during their scene.

It is easy to buy into the stigma that surrounds SM, mainly that its kinky, deviant, or freaky. Many people envision dark dungeons, chains and whips, or perhaps even sharp metal objects and ball-gags. While this stuff certainly does go on in SM communities, bedrooms, and dungeons, it is important to realize that SM is often quite tame. In fact, you may have already participated in SM without knowing it.

A very real and legitimate part of SM involves sensations, which can sometimes be as light as the tickle of a feather. Not all SM involves pain. Have you ever experimented with feathers, or ice cubes? What about fingernails? What about handcuffs you bought at a dollar store, or perhaps fuzzy novelty ones? Have you ever tied a wrist to a bedpost? Have you ever held someones hands down? Has anyone ever restrained you? Even simple things like this fall under the category of SM.

The other thing that is important to realize is that SM often has nothing to do with sex. In many advanced, dont try this at home types of SM scenes, sex does not take place. The thrill is about power play. Its the high-powered corporate executive who just wants someone else to make the decisions for a change, or maybe the underpaid intern whod like a chance to order other people around.

Its not always acceptable to tell your roommate what to do, or to make someone force you to do things, so for many people, SM is the best way to act out those fantasies. And the rest is just creativity. Have you ever fantasized about being punished by a police officer? How about a sexy teacher, or a nurse? These sexual fantasies are also about power play, and easily fit under the umbrella of SM.

Someday, those cute, pink, furry handcuffs might not do it for you anymore. You might find yourself looking into leather restraints. I mean, what did you think was underneath the fur anyway? Its all part of the same animal. As long as its safe and consensual, SM is a great way to enhance your sex life, so dont let the stigma stop you.

If you are interested in SM play, check out some the resources we have at SSIS, including books, safety guidelines, and consent checklists.

Love,
SSISadist

As a senior, I am caught somewhere in between wanting to spout sage advice to underclassmen and wanting to hide under the covers and suck my thumb. After all, the real world is scary. I hear it doesnt have WhoCash. But being a senior does make you somewhat of an authority on life at Brandeis. And as an authority, I have some practical advice for the underclassman.

Never put personal information on the internet. Never use your full name online. Be careful of what you say on the myBrandeis forums. At the very least, friends-lock your Livejournal and use the privacy settings on Facebook. Dont write about drugs, alcohol, or sex on the internet. Must I even discuss naked photos? Just dont do it.

Do bring food into the library. No one has ever stopped me from bringing food in, even when I was carrying a bowl of hot soup and freshly-popped popcorn. You could walk in carrying a six-foot party sub without so much as a raised eyebrow. Hell, last semester during finals my friends were passing out beers in the Green Room.

Dont take the elevator in the Shapiro Campus Center. Seriously. Heres a classic example of ingenuity at work: Brandeis builds a brand new, state of the art building, and installs an elevator from 1972. That thing is slower than my grandmother! I could walk up to Rabb and back before those doors would open. Okay, Ill admit it. I take the elevator. Yes, Im that lazy.

Always ask for extensions. In my four years at Brandeis, a professor has never denied me an extension when I asked nicely. College is stressful, and we dont always have the time to put our best efforts into every single assignment. Sometimes we get so bogged down that in order to even finish an assignment, we need a little extra time. Professors at Brandeis understand this. If theres one thing I have learned it is that it never hurts to ask. After all, our professors dont want to waste their time reading mediocre work. They want you to succeed as much as you do.

But perhaps the most important lesson I have learned in my four years at Brandeis is this: dont be afraid to do what you love. When I got to college I told my parents that I was going to do improv comedy. They told me it was a waste of time. As a sophomore I told them that I was going to be an American Studies major. They decided to start furnishing the basement. Junior year I told them I was going to be a sex counselor with SSIS. They both looked uncomfortable and then my dad asked, Couldnt you save the whales instead?

Freshman year, I tried out for everything and was rejected by everyone. But when my friends and I started our own improv troupe, Bad Grammer, I learned that rejection could lead to greatness. From inexperienced beginnings, we became an established (and dare I say popular?) group on campus. We also became a family.

American Studies always looked really interesting to me, but I thought that I should be taking more serious classes. When I did finally take an American Studies class, it blew me away. I had found my passion, and all of a sudden Brandeis seemed like a different world. I started getting to know my professors. I got to know the other students in my major, and suddenly school began to feel like a community. My life had begun to take a direction, even if that direction was unclear.

I really like to talk about sex, so applied to SSIS on a whim. I ended up an expert on flavored lube and dental dams. I never thought I would be writing columns on oral sex and bondage, or that my columns would be featured on porn sites. (Hi mom!) But my work with SSIS ended up being extremely important to me, and actually influenced the course of my studies.

So far, one unexpected development has led to the next, and ultimately shaped my life. As I get ready to leave Brandeis, I trust that these unexpected developments will keep coming and eventually I will get closer and closer to my dream career, one that I never predicted for myself. While it may be frightening, and there may be intermittent periods of living in my parents basement, I am confident that the steps I have taken will eventually get me where I want to be. Why? Because I have followed my passions, and passion is all you need to succeed.

Choose a major you love, no matter what your parents say. Waste your time with extracurriculars that will not matter once you leave Brandeis. Dont be afraid to follow your interests, even if your interests are unorthodox.

Seniors: take a minute to think about where your interests have already taken you. Think about how much you have already accomplished here at Brandeis. You have written countless papers and taken countless exams. You have organized projects and programs for your clubs and organizations. You learned how to do well in a class without ever doing the reading. You figured out how to park illegally on campus without getting a ticket. You finally convinced the nurse at the Health Center that no, you dont need a pregnancy test. You learned how to juggle a full course load, at least two extracurriculars, your internship, and your social life. Not too shabby, is it?
You are no longer the kid your parents dropped off in the fall of 2003. Can you even imagine what you will have accomplished in another twenty years? Until then, may your ambitions be large, and your parents basements carpeted. Good luck everyone!

Okay, fine. You dont do online dating, you never have done online dating. You are just too cool for all that. But if you ever were to create an online dating personal ad, you have to know the lingo. Look no further;

here is your quick and easy guide to creating your very own online personal ad.

1. You are a:

SWM. SWF. SBM. SBF. MWM. MWF. MBM. MBF. DWF. DBM. DWM. DBM. BMW.

2. You are also a:

M4W. W4M. M4M. W4W. M4M/W. W4W/M. Bottom. Top. Switch. Vanilla. (If you dont know what the last four mean, for the love of god say vanilla!)

3. Pick a body type:

Voluptuous. Trim. Fit. Athletic. Skeletal. Big and beautiful. Slow, curves ahead! Junk in the trunk. Well-padded. My mom thinks Im cute. Ive been to a gym. Great personality.

4. Pick a pastime:

Long walks on the beach. Chillin wit my homies. Dungeons and Dragons. Playa-hatin. Theatre/opera/museums/looking over my monacle and saying hrumph. Karaoke. Having deep discussions, or alternatively, talking until the sun comes up. Boardgames. Going out. Staying in. Cuddling. The outdoors.

5. Your ideal mate:

Can cook. Is rich. Has a tight bod. Knows when to shut up. Gives massages. Likes geeks. Makes breakfast. Is Jewish. Loves Jesus. Is classy. Is a partner in crime. Is out of prison. Is fly. Is of age. Is clean. Knows (s)hes hot. Doesnt know (s)hes hot. Likes my cat. Eats meat.

6. Pick your ideal first date:

Skydiving. Romantic dinner at a restaurant with violins. Sex. Coffee. Coffee then sex. Dinner and a movie. Dinner and a movie and sex. A picnic. A picnic with sex. (and so on.)

7. Pick a dealbreaker:

Children. Smoking. Smoking crack. Being a crack ho. No car. Loose skin. Playa-hatin. Needy. Children. Skanks. Has a penis. No penis. Speaks English. Children.

8. You are using an online dating service because you:

Are sick of the bar scene. Are sick of the club scene. Are sick of the strip joint scene. Are ugly. Are weird. Are under house arrest. Are cheating on your significant other. Are bored. Cant get no love.
One from column A, one from column B and BAM! Youve just online dated!

A: Yep, weve all been on the receiving end of public displays of affection, better known as PDA. It can be awkward, uncomfortable, and downright rude. While there is nothing wrong with voyeurism per se, no one should be forced to watch something they dont want to see. Often the issue comes down to the delicate question: Should I say something?

One thing to keep in mind, if you have not yet said anything, is that your friend(s) may not even realize their actions are bothering you. Friends might not realize where your comfort zone stops, and roommates might actually think you are asleep. As we always say, different strokes for different folks. Everyone has different comfort levels with PDA. For some, public groping is no big deal, and for others hand-holding feels awkward. Some dont mind observing public groping, and others dont appreciate couples holding hands or sitting on laps when theyre hanging out with friends.

If your comfort level is a step or two off from someone you spend a lot of time with, you have some options. You could avoid them and their PDA partner, you could COUGH-hint-COUGH that youre upset, or you could talk to them about it. It is very possible your friend had no idea you were uncomfortable, and if they are reasonable, they will curtail their actions accordingly.

Roommate situations can be a little trickier, especially if the PDA partner-in-question is from out of town and needs to sleep in the room whenever they stay over. While its generally considered bad form to have sex in the room while your roommate is sleeping, we all know it happens. The reason it happens so frequently probably lies in the fact that the sleeping roommate usually chooses to keep quiet, often using disassociation techniques to block out the experience. In this situation, it could be as easy as mentioning, You know, Im not always asleep when your boy/girlfriend is here. If you havent said anything, there is a good chance they really do think youre asleep.

Sometimes you might willingly sexile yourself in order to give your roommate some private time with their partner. This is a very nice thing to do. However, if you are surrendering your room on a nightly, or even weekend-ly basis, things might be getting out of hand. After all, its your room too! Again, a good option here is conversation. Discuss with your roommate what you are comfortable with, and how often you feel its fair to be sexiled. Possible solutions might include your roommate spending more nights at their partners place, or maybe they could get busy while you have class so by the time bedtime comes around, they are ready to sleep.

Another thing to consider is that in other countries and cultures, PDA is common and accepted as a normal way to display affection. It could be as simple as a cultural misunderstanding. Then again, it might not be. But in most situations, be they with friends or roommates, most people are reasonable and respond well when you present your concerns in a respectful manner. If by chance your PDA offender is not so reasonable, your CA is a good person to talk to. And if all else fails and the PDA just won't stop, you can always close your eyes and imagine yourself lying on the warm sands of a fully-clothed, family-oriented, American beach. Or get yourself a white noise machine.

Love,

SSIStop it!

Got questions? Send them in to ssis@brandeis.edu. Your identity will be kept confidential and all questions will be posted anonymously.

for example, ActionDaddy is worth $750,000 to $1,000,000. The profiles of Sugar Babies list how much each expect from their Sugar Daddies (or Mommies). Foxy Kat expects between $3,001 and $5000 a month from her Sugar Daddy. She asks, Im looking to make YOUR world a better place Do YOU want to do the same for Me? She makes it sound so simple, doesnt she?

The website helps us with some clarifying definitions:

Sugar Daddy: n. Slang. A wealthy, usually older man who gives expensive gifts to a young person in return for intimacy or companionship.

Sugar Mommy: n. Slang. A wealthy, usually older women who gives expensive gifts to a young person in return for intimacy or companionship.

Sugar Baby: n. Slang. A young person who gives intimacy or companionship to an older man or woman in exchange for expensive gifts.

According to the website, this is a very natural dating arrangement. “Lets face it Its human nature for older men to want the younger and more attractive women. Its also natural for younger women to seek out men who are successful, specifically those who have the means of providing a woman with comforts and luxuries.

I did a little more research to see just how natural this arrangement was. I trolled the Craigslist personal ads and found hundreds of ads looking for sugar babies, sugar daddies, and mutually beneficial arrangements. It seemed as though most of the sugar daddies were looking to help out college students in particular, who perhaps have the desire to live lavishly but do not have the time for a traditional job. When I did a little more research on who these sugar daddies were, they were more often than not busy businessmen in their 30s and 40s, who claimed to simply not have time for a traditional relationship. They were willing to pay in order to have the convenience of some no-muss, no-fuss company — often sexual company. These arrangements were also pretty common in the gay personal ads as well.

Now, this seems all well and good. I once dated someone who showered me with gifts. Its not a bad deal. Of course, that was a relationship and not an arrangement. But the question remains: where do we draw the line between a mutually beneficial arrangement beneficiary and whore?

The dictionary defines prostitute as:

pros/ti/tute: -noun
1. a woman who engages in sexual intercourse for money;

whore;

harlot.
2. a man who engages in sexual acts for money.
3. a person who willingly uses his or her talent or ability in a base and unworthy way, usually for money.

So, is this mutually beneficial arrangement NOT prostitution because these sugar babies are receiving gifts instead of hard cash? Or is it because sex is negotiable within an arrangement?

According to an anonymous Sugar Baby quoted on SeekingArrangement.com, Who doesnt want to be spoilt and pampered? The truth is many of my girlfriends want to find a sugar daddy.

I am still having trouble wrapping my mind around this. On the one hand, what a great idea! I am young, attractive, and available. Therefore, I deserve to be paid for my attentions. How easy it could be! That new digital camcorder Ive been wanting — POOF! Its mine! All I had to do was spend some quality time with a rich older gentleman. I suppose I can understand this Sugar Babys point of view.

On the other hand Shes getting paid for her attentions. The Japanese Geisha is the only other example of this I can think of, and even they were occasionally paid for intercourse. And yet, these Sugar Babies havent been schooled in the fine art of entertaining gentleman. The only thing they have going for them is youth, looks, and maybe naivety. This just doesnt seem right. It seems like prostitution. And lets not forget that even consensual prostitution is still prostitution. But is consensual prostitution fine and dandy? Or is it wrong because its illegal? Is it wrong even if it were legal? Or is it still fine and dandy if it isnt legal, but everyone is happy with it? Is this simply a business transaction;

exchanging one good for another to the benefit of both parties? Or is it just an after-school job? It does sound a little more exciting than Aramark, albeit much, MUCH less safe.

Regardless of ones personal beliefs about the exchange of sex for money, I would not recommend this type of arrangement to anyone. Especially if it were formed over the internet. First of all, your sugar daddy could be a serial killer. Second, if you were getting paid handsomely by this individual, I am pretty sure it would be hard to say no when they ask you to do something you dont want to do. I tend to believe that sex is emotionally safer and most enjoyable when based on trust and respect, not money. The whole thing should set off an internal sketch alarm, because in the end, one has to wonder what kind of person chooses to buy a fake relationship rather than forge a real one?

Myth: Condoms break so often that we shouldnt bother using them.

Truth: Studies show that condom breakage rates in the US are less than 2%, and those are just about always due to improper usage and are not the result of bad manufacturing. Proper usage means no double-bagging, making sure each person only touches their side of the barrier, and using lube. Most of the time, condom breakage happens because there is too much friction, and using lube is the perfect solution to the friction problem.

Myth: Condoms are only 98 or 99 percent effective, so every time I have sex, I have a 2% chance of getting pregnant.

Truth: When used correctly, condoms are 99.8% effective in preventing pregnancy. In one year, only two of every 100 couples who use condoms consistently and correctly will experience an unintended pregnancy. That means 2 pregnancies out of an estimated 8,300 acts of sexual intercourse. This means that overall;

there is a 0.02% per-condom pregnancy rate. If condoms are paired with another form of contraception, like the pill, you are as close to 100% covered as you can ever be.

Myth: Condoms dont protect against STDs like HPV (genital warts) that also pass through skin-to-skin contact.

Truth: Condoms may not give you 100% protection against STDs that cause outbreaks all over the pelvic area, but they are still worth using. A recent study shows that women who are newly sexually active and use condoms consistently have a significantly reduced chance of contracting HPV than women who do not use condoms. Also, women who are already diagnosed with a pre-cancerous cervical condition and use condoms are more likely to have healthy check ups in the future. Men who use condoms are also less likely to contract HPV. Another study showed that men who already had HPV lesions and used condoms consistently were more likely to go into regression sooner than those who didnt.

Myth: I dont need a condom when I or my partner is not having an outbreak of herpes, since it only passes through skin-to-skin contact.

Truth: Herpes does pass through skin-to-skin contact, but like HPV, it also can be passed through bodily fluids. People, who wear condoms all the time, even when they, or their partner, do not have a breakout, are less likely to pass on or contract the herpes virus.

Myth: If Im already pregnant, I dont need to use a condom when I have sex.

Truth: Studies have shown that using condoms even while pregnant can reduce your risk of intrauterine infections that can cause miscarriage. Also, using condoms will continue to protect you from contracting STDs, which can also harm a fetus, or be transferred to the baby when it born.

Myth: I have a latex allergy, so I cannot use condoms.

Truth: There are other options besides latex condoms. An older alternative is made out of lambskin, but a new and very popular alternative is the polyurethane condom. Polyurethane is a plastic that is clear and has no scent. It actually transmits heat better than latex. It is less stretchy, so its recommended that you use more lube with it. We sell two polyurethane condoms at SSIS;

the Reality condom and the Durex Avanti.

Myth: My partner has HIV, so I either cant have sex with them, or Im doomed.

Truth: In one recent study of couples in which one partner had HIV and the other did not, those that used condoms consistently for both vaginal and anal sex for two years did not pass the virus on to any of their partners. 10% of those who did not use condoms did pass on the virus. In another similar study, only 2% of those who used condoms consistently passed on the virus, as opposed to 12% that did not use condoms.

Myth: Condoms work better with Vaseline.

Truth: Oil based lubricants like Vaseline should NEVER be used with latex condoms. The oil and latex cause a chemical reaction that breaks down the latex, and destroys the effectiveness of the condom. Water-based lubricants and silicone-based lubricants are safe to use with latex condoms.

Myth: Condoms are bad for the environment.

Truth: Latex condoms are actually biodegradable, and do not harm the environment when disposed of properly. This means that they should be thrown out with the trash and not flushed down the toilet. They cause harm to the environment when they end up in bodies of water, not when they end up in landfills.

Myth: Condoms are too uncomfortable to wear.

Truth: First of all, no one is too big for a condom. If they can fit over someones head (their actual head) they can fit on a penis. Also condoms come in all shapes and sizes. Some are wider at the base, have extra room at the head. Some are snug, and some are longer and wider. Some have latex in all the right places, some are so thin you can hardly feel them. SSIS carries plenty of varieties, some come on by and we will help you find the right condom for you.

A: Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress, learn about your body, and enjoy a quiet night in. Some argue that you can never masturbate too much. Why? Because masturbation in and of itself has no consequences. It does not damage your ability to enjoy sex with others, nor does it have any health risks. Not only does it give you a way to pamper yourself and get some instant gratification, its a great way to get some exercise, or even just keep your hands busy.

Masturbation can also become a hobby, and there are plenty of products that enthusiasts can use to enhance the experience. These include vibrators, dildos, lubricants, vibrating massage gloves, or even incense, candles and lingerie. A good imagination also helps, and if you need a little inspiration there is always pornography or, for the avid reader, erotic fiction, or erotica.

Masturbating is good, and most of the time, you can not have too much of a good thing. There are some instances, however, where one might be masturbating too much. Like, for instance, if your genitals are chafing, you might want to give your body a little time to recover before going at it again. Carpal tunnel might also be a sign that you are overworking your body. Still, there are ways to minimize these physical side effects. Lube is a great way to stave off chafing, and using a vibrator or a masturbation sleeve or fleshlight might cut down on stress to your wrist. If your fingers are so wet theyre pruning, try wearing latex or nitrile gloves with a little lube.

Some believe that masturbation is addicting. While there is no medical evidence to support this, it is a commonly held belief. And it is an understandable belief as well. It is not uncommon for people to feel the urge to masturbate more than once a day. There are plenty of stories about folks getting off at work in the company bathroom. There are also discreet, hands-free, remote controlled vibrators that you can wear to class.

Now, theres nothing necessarily wrong with getting off somewhere other than your bed. However, you must be careful and conscientious. Remember that exposing yourself in a public space is against the law. Be careful to never leave fluids on a public toilet, or any other public space for that matter. Not only could that incriminate you, but its just not hygienic. And its rude. You should also take care not to get caught, especially by a child. In fact, you probably should never do it within the vicinity of children. Also watch out for surveillance cameras.

But even if you dont get caught by a camera or a coworker, you might still want to take stock of how often you wank it and whether its by choice or because you feel addicted. A good way to define whether or not youre addicted is to decide whether or not masturbation interferes with your ability to function normally. Is it keeping you from finishing your term paper? From finishing a project at work? Is it distracting you from your personal relationships? If any of those things are true, there is a chance you might be hitting it too often. If youre looking to cut back, aim for doing it once a day. If you are finding it very hard to cut back and it is interfering with your life, it would not be a bad idea to talk to someone about it.

But if masturbation is not interfering with your daily life, dont worry about it. We are each entitled to a little self-lovin', or a lot of self-lovin. Enjoy yourself.

SSISqueeze

—–

A: There has been a great deal of buzz over the new phenomenon of feminist sex stores spreading quickly across the country, or at least on both coasts. Perhaps progressive would be a better word to describe these stores, since they are not just for women. While women are often their target customer pool (quickly replacing tupperware parties with sex toy parties) these stores also reach out to men, transgendered folks, and people of all sexual orientations.

These stores, located in clean, safe areas, are anything but shady. They carry books on all topics, from finding the female orgasm, to an introduction to anal beads, to the art of erotic massage. They carry safer sex products, including top-of-the-line condoms and lubricants. They carry quality sex toys of all shapes, sizes, and materials. And they often carry massage oils, candles, and sexy lingerie.

What is most impressive about these stores is the staff. The staff members are often women, though there are plenty of folks of different genders as well, who are educated about anatomy, health, and safety. These people embody the progressive, sex-positive, and open-minded attitudes that the stores stand for. Without batting an eye, they can explain to you why a silicone butt plug would be a better choice than one made of jelly latex. They can explain why glycerin-free lubricants like Liquid Silk are less likely to cause yeast infections and UTIs than drugstore brands like KY and Astroglide. They can also help you and your partner find exactly what you have been looking for and they make you feel comfortable and welcome in the store.

These progressive sex shops have opened up a whole new world for us. The internet may have provided us with a shame-free way to purchase sex toys, but it could never compare to the experience one receives at a progressive sex shop. The internet may provide the hardware, but it can never compare the experience of walking into a sex shop where you arent made to feel guilty, embarrassed, or dirty.

Once a person walks into a progressive sex store, his or her enjoyment of sex and interest in sex and pleasure is instantly validated. Not only is the validation empowering, but the open, relaxed environment gives people the confidence to ask the questions they need to ask in order to get the product they want or have the kind of sex life they deserve. An internet vendor cannot really validate, and probably wont warn against, buying inferior products. An internet vendor cannot help you learn to love your body.

People visit sex shops, progressive or not, because they like sex and are either not getting enough on their own or desire a little enhancement. Traditionally, these sex shops seemed shady because they didnt make enough money to beautify the store, or because they legally werent allowed to have storefront windows or in any way reveal the nature of the business. The people may have looked shady because they were embarrassed and didnt want to be seen entering. This is not the mark of a psychologically disturbed person. This is the reaction of a completely sane person who recognizes the stigma attached to sex stores and only wishes to avoid bearing the brunt of that stigma.

But sex store goers no longer need to hide beneath hats and long trenchcoats. More progressive sex stores are opening everyday, and they are selling vibrating cock rings in the broad daylight. Good Vibrations, located in nearby Brookline, and Mikos Exoticwear, located in Providence, Rhode Island, are two excellent choices. If you still arent ready to step across the threshold of a sex shop, their websites are still good resources for information and quality products. SSIS also recommends Babeland and Smitten Kitten for online shopping.

Love,
SSISextoy

A: Oral sex is a popular form of pleasure, but admittedly has some potential for awkwardness. Some people are grossed out by the idea of mouth-genital contact, while others feel that blowjobs are degrading and force you to give up power. Some are embarrassed to have someones face so close to their privates, and others are simply worried about doing a good job! And last but not least, many of us wonder, Is there any polite way to ask for oral sex? This article will address these common oral anxieties, and maybe even give you some new ideas!

There is a stereotype that oral sex is usually given to big, insensitive men as they watch the game on TV. This image can feel degrading, and can often be triggered by the infamous head push. Understandably, its hard to ask for oral sex. But head pushing is probably not the best way to get things started. While it is true that some find it a turn on, it could turn others off of oral completely. If you know that your partner is lookin for a pushin, then all the power to you! But if this is your first time with someone, or your first time thinking about oral with your partner, its probably best to avoid the head push. Also, the TV stays off.

If you are receiving oral, there are many things you can do to make your partner feel wanted and respected. First of all, make the environment comfortable. Have plenty of pillows around, and be prepared to turn the lights down if that would help. If you notice your partner is looking uncomfortable (maybe their head is at an unnatural angle) help them into a better position. After all, you want them to enjoy this as well.

The best thing you can do to make someone enjoy giving oral sex is to be responsive. Show them with your sounds and body language that you love it. Moan, wiggle, and play with their hair. When your partner does something you really like, react to it! This way, your partner knows they are pleasing you, and also gets to learn what you really like. Also, your moans and wiggles can be quite a turn on for both of you!

Grooming is another thing you could do to make your pelvis a more enticing destination spot. Many people are worried that they are too hairy, or that their genitals dont look like the ones they see in porn. First of all, everyones genitals are different. Second of all, porn isnt real. You do not have to be completely smooth and hairless to be sexy, but some trimming is probably a good idea. You should groom your pubic patch based on what makes you feel sexy. If having very little hair makes you feel hot, go for it. If you feel sexy with a natural do, then go for that. Feeling sexy is being sexy, and it shows.

In the end, youre good as long as your partner doesnt need a hedge trimmer to get to your goods. If you are going to shave, however, be aware that the stubble growing back can be scratchy and uncomfortable for you and your partner. Keep shaving, or let it grow back a little before it rubs against someones face.

Giving oral sex is a somewhat creative endeavor, and everyone can develop their own personal style. Im not going to tell you how to do it, but there are some no-nos we should all be aware of. First of all, there is a difference between using teeth and biting. Except in very special circumstances, for example when your partner has specifically requested it, do not bite! If youre going to nibble, do it carefully, and see how your partner responds. The same goes for pinching. A shock of pain could really ruin the moment, not to mention someones opinion of oral sex in general.

When receiving, be careful not to squish your partners head between your thighs. Of course, some people like that sensation. The general rule, as always, is to find out if they like it before you do it. Same goes for resting your hand on the givers head. Be careful not to push too hard and cause them to suffocate or gag. Some might like it, but be sure to find out first. Finally, if you are going to come, give a warning. Not only is it polite, its hot.

If you want your partner to enjoy you more, your juices will taste better if you avoid eating meat for a couple days. (This applies to both semen and vaginal fluids.) Definitely avoid asparagus. Drinking pineapple juice is also supposed to help you taste sweeter. When it comes to spitting or swallowing, it is the givers choice. Swallowing is certainly not required. If your partner doesnt want you to ejaculate in their mouth, be respectful. Sex is about consent and respecting boundaries. Everyone has the right to decide what goes into their bodies.

Another contested issue is whether or not to kiss afterwards. Many believe its rude not to, while others (givers and receivers both) wouldnt dream of kissing without an Altoid. If you dont mind, thats great! If you do, the best way to handle this is to be prepared. If you are giving, receiving, or both, and you dont want to kiss afterward, or are worried your partner wont want to kiss afterward, have some mints or mouthwash handy! And to avoid making the giving partner embarrassed, both of you should freshen up together. After all, no ones breath smells that great after a couple hours in bed! Plus, minty kisses are electric.

The last rule of etiquette to follow is to say thank you. The words thank you or thanks might not be boudoir appropriate, however. Better to say, That was great! or That was amazing! or even Youre amazing! Good manners have every place in the bedroom.

This leads us to the last, and hardest, question about oral sex etiquette: how to ask. One strategy is to go down on your partner first, making the procession down there hot and seductive, which will hopefully give your partner the idea of doing the same. Unfortunately, there is no magical phrase or gesture to get someone to go down on you. The answer lies in good, old-fashioned communication. While talking about what you like and what you want in bed can be sexy, it can also be scary. One idea is to talk about it outside of the bedroom, perhaps over lunch. (You might want to make sure you arent sitting next to children when you have this discussion. Mothers tend to get upset when people say things like sucking clit around their kids.)

Of course, there are some phrases that can help facilitate these conversations. For example, I really like it when you do ___ can be a great way to start, and a great way to suggest improvements. For example, Last time I went crazy when you did ___. Could you do that some more? This is also a good time to ask what else your partner likes and wants. You might even find that your partner wants something youve been too embarrassed to ask for! Its definitely hot when you both know the things you want are fair game.

Everyone has boundaries. Its important to find out before hand, through communication, what those boundaries are. Its also important to know whether or not your partner has done certain things before, like giving or receiving oral. Sex, no matter what kind, will always be better when both partners are aware of each others boundaries and know that they are going to be respected. This way, everyone can let down their guard and really have a good time. If you have any more questions about oral sex etiquette, or how to talk about it with your partner, come talk to us at SSIS. Talking about sex is our specialty.

Love,
SSISensual

Kathleen Maloney is running the program, and will be the person actually doing the tests. She has a great deal of experience in this particular issue from her work at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, where she conducted HIV testing in a time when an HIV-positive result was a much bleaker diagnosis. For the couple years after the HIV test was developed, there was still no treatment available. Today, there are many options for treatment, and this provides an even greater incentive for testing since there are often more options the sooner the virus is caught.

To clarify, HIV stands for the Human Immunodeficiency Virus. It is a virus transmitted through blood and sexual fluids. (You cannot contract HIV from saliva, handshakes, toilet seats, or hugging.) If left untreated, the virus will kill T-helper cells, a type of white blood cell in the immune system that fights off disease. When a person begins to get sick from specific diseases as a result of the low T-helper cell count, or that count drops below 200, the person has AIDS, or Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome.

The HIV test does not count T-helper cells, but instead looks for HIV antibodies. If these antibodies (which develop to fight the HIV virus) are present, that means that the HIV virus is present. Also, the HIV antibodies probably will not show up on a test until around 6 weeks after your body is exposed to HIV. This means you should wait at least 6 weeks before getting tested. Some health care professionals argue that in rare cases, HIV could take up to 6 months to show up on a test.

Getting tested on a regular basis is a good idea. Having unprotected sex might be another reason to get tested. Kathleen Maloney reminds us: The way to be safe isnt to be tested once a month. Regular HIV testing should not be an excuse to practice unsafe sex. Barrier methods, including condoms, Reality condoms, dental dams, and gloves are great options for practicing safer sex. Condoms have been proven to be 99% effective in preventing the transmission of HIV.

If you would like to get tested at the Health Center, it is recommended that you call ahead to make an appointment with Kathleen Maloney a week in advance. You will also be asked to schedule a follow-up visit for two weeks afterward, when the results come back from the lab. Of course, if it is an emergency, the Health Center will make an effort to see you right away. In this particular case, an emergency could be a situation where you just found out your partner, with whom you have had or been having unprotected sex, is HIV-positive.

When you schedule your appointment, the Health Center will take down your name and phone number. This is purely for scheduling reasons, since HIV testing at the Health Center is confidential. This means that your results cannot be released to anyone (not even your parents, not even if youre still a minor) without your express, written, consent. The test costs $27, which is the cost of the lab processing fee. Unless you wish to have your insurance billed, the Health Center will bill you directly through your student account. On either bill, the test will show up under a vague term, which could refer to a number of different medical tests. At the lab, your blood sample will only be marked by a bar code, so not even the lab techs will see your name.

Your results will be kept in a sealed envelope in your medical file at the Health Center. If, for some reason, the Health Center needs to send a copy of your medical record to another doctor, your results will not be included. The sealed envelope helps to prevent someone from accidentally copying them and sending them by mistake. Both positive and negative results will be kept in these envelopes, so not even the Health Center staff will know what your HIV status is.

Counseling is an important part of agreeing to take the test, and receiving your results. This is not just a Brandeis Health Center specific policy, but also the national procedure for HIV testing. Before you take the test, you will have a conversation about what HIV and AIDS are, and about your personal risk factors. This will be determined from an explanation of your sexual history and sexual practices so dont be surprised by some personal questions.

If your test results come back negative, you will have a follow-up conversation about risks and behaviors, and ways to protect yourself. If your tests have come back positive, the Health Center will have a trained counselor from the Mailman Counseling Center on hand for support, though they will not be in the room when you receive your results. If the results are positive, you and Kathleen might talk about what that means to you, how it might affect your life, and what supports you have available to you. She will also suggest that you talk to someone at Mailman, though you would be able to decide if, who and how often.

Maloney does not expect to see a lot of positive results. A friend of hers, who works at a large Boston area college or university, has been doing HIV testing for 10 years and has never gotten a positive result. Maloney predicts a similar outcome here, but recognizes that HIV is not owned by a certain population of people, and could have made its way onto campus.

During last years initiative, hundreds of students signed up for testing to show support for the political campaign to have testing at the Health Center. Maloney wants to remind us that The political piece is over now and that students should come to get tested for health reasons, not to make a political statement. She asks students to be thoughtful of their fellow classmates, and not take time and resources away from those who really need the service.

SSIS would like to remind you that the Health Center isnt your only option. Other testing sites in the area offer free testing, anonymous testing. Some sites are especially friendly to LGBT, and especially T, communities. SSIS, with the help of other student counseling groups, Mailman, and now the Health Center, wants to provide you with as much on-campus support as possible. We are always there to talk, either in our office on the third floor of the Shapiro Campus Center, Monday through Friday 1 pm to 7 pm, by phone (x63695) or through IM (ssisbrandeis).

If you would like to submit a question to be answered in the SSIS Question Sex-tion column, send your emails to ssis@brandeis.edu. Your identity will be kept completely confidential.

A: Though they dont protect you from STDs, birth control pills are a great method of contraception. Unfortunately, they can be a little confusing at times. The most important part of making birth control pills work for you is remembering to take them at the same time every day. Some people find it helps to do it right when they wake up, others dont like this method because they do not always wake up at the same time every day. Some choose to take it before they go to bed, or even set an alarm on their cell phone to remind them. Choose whatever system works best for you, but be prepared for the fact that youll probably fuck it up every now and then. After all, you go to Brandeis. Youre a busy person.

Take a deep breath, no need to panic. If birth control pills had to be taken at EXACTLY the same millisecond every day in order to work, people wouldnt use them. They are designed to give you a little margin of error. Its fairly safe to say that you have a two to three hour window each day in which to take your pill, so if you are off by an hour theres no need to start shopping for strollers. If you take it three or four hours late, and your pill is a progestin-only pill (check the packaging) Planned Parenthood recommends that you use a backup method if you have sex in the next 48 hours. This could mean using a condom or spermicide.

If you miss a pill completely, most brands direct you to take two pills the next day (todays and yesterdays). Still, check the directions that came with your pack to be sure, or ask your gynecologist. Also, it is recommended that you use a backup method for the next day or two, though it is not required. By missing a pill you do not render your birth control useless, but you have decreased the effectiveness just a little. It is still protecting you, but you might want to add a little outside help to get it up to the level it normally works at. Still, when in doubt, use a backup method. A condom is a small price to pay for peace of mind.

Missing more than one pill is a little bit more serious. Different brands and different doctors have different recommendations. Some might have you take two pills a day for two days;

some might make you start over. This means that you would continue taking a pill a day until your period (or until the active pills have stopped) and then start a new pack the Sunday after (or during) your period. Until you start your new pack, use a backup method. Still, missing more than one pill is a confusing issue and the best thing to do is read the instructions that came with your pack, or call your physician or gynecologist.

No matter what happens, there is no reason to panic. First of all, backup methods arent so bad. In fact, we kind of like them! SSIS sells such a wide variety of condoms, we bet we will find something that works for you. We have condoms of all shapes and sizes: tapered heads, flared bases, roomier fitting, snugger fitting, pleasure pouches, latex and polyurethane.

Vaginal Contraceptive Film, or VCF, is another option. VCF is a small sheet of film, similar to a Listerine Pocket-Pack strip that is inserted into the vagina 15 minutes before intercourse. It is a spermicide, which is made of the chemical Nonoxonyl-9, which creates a hostile environment for sperm. Basically, it kills them. VCF works for 45 minutes, and after that you would have to insert another strip.

Spermicide is not for everyone, however. Nonoxonyl-9 is a strong chemical and many people have negative reactions to it. Get a spermicidally lubricated condom and test a little on the inside of your elbow where the skin is sensitive. You do NOT want to find out you have a bad reaction to it after its already in your vagina, or on your penis.

Alone, VCF is about 80-85% effective at preventing pregnancy. Condoms are 99% effective, and also protect you from contracting and transmitting STDs.

Nonoxonyl-9, however, can create micro-abrasions and micro-tears on the wall of the vagina, which can actually increase your chances of contracting and transmitting STDs. Because of this, we usually recommend VCF for people in monogamous relationships who have been tested for STDs.

If you messed up your pills, and forgot to use a backup method, there is still no need to panic! Emergency Contraception (or EC) is certainly an option. EC is a large dose of the same hormones in your birth control pills that will prevent a pregnancy if taken in the 72 hours after unprotected sex. Some people think that taking four of their regular birth control pills at once will accomplish the same thing, but this is NOT a good idea. Different pills contain different amounts of hormones, and the only way to take a large dose safely is to take EC. It is available at the Health Center for $20, and will not be marked on your insurance.

While EC is a great option in an emergency, and is often worth the peace of mind it provides, it should not be used as a regular form of birth control. If you are using it often, you might want to talk to your gynecologist about switching to a form of birth control that will work better for you.

Dont forget, you can always pick up pregnancy tests at SSIS. We sell two for $2, in case its too early to detect the first time you take it. The test will detect pregnancy 7 to 14 days after fertilization. You can also get free pregnancy testing at the Health Center.

If you are consistently forgetting to take your pill, you might want to look into other birth control options. The patch, a tan patch you stick on your body, you only change once a week. It should stay on while swimming and in the shower. There are directions on the Planned Parenthood website for what to do if you forget to change your patch at the end of the week.

For those who want even less to remember, the Nuva Ring is another great option. It is also an alternative for those who dont like the band-aid style gunk left behind by the patch. The Nuva Ring is a clear plastic ring about the size of a hair tie that you insert in your vagina for three weeks each month. You take it out the fourth week, when you have your period, and insert a new one to begin the next month. It is extremely unlikely it will fall out, and you even leave it in during sex. According to first hand reports, neither you nor your partner will be able to feel it, unless they are using their hands.

There is also Depo-Provera, a birth control shot that you take every three months. Many people like this method because it is so private, and you dont have to remember anything daily or even weekly. If you would like to try another method besides the pill, talk to your gynecologist. You might be limited by the types of hormones that work best for you, but there is most likely another option out there for you.

She and the other panelists discussed the modern hook up phenomenon and the resulting progression: that hooking up comes first, relationships second. And that if people are aiming for a relationship, they are more likely to take it slow.

I basically agree. In a modern world without first dates (except when youre meeting someone from the internet), sometimes the hook up is the first time two people are ever alone together. Sometimes it is the first time any form of attraction is even acknowledged. What gets tricky is when you actually do want a relationship with this person, and then you worry about how far youre willing to go. I think its pretty safe to say that at this point, if you decide to have sex right away, you are telling the person that sex is the main objective for you. At least, thats what we-think-they-think-we-are-thinkingright?

Another point discussed over and over was the idea that modern, liberated, women think: If men only want to use me for sex, I can use men for sex too. What bothers me is that most of the panelists viewed this in a positive light. This is supposed to be empowering.

But to me, it sounds more like revenge than empowerment. How is sex empowering when the motivation is all about men, not about yourself or your own enjoyment? Why does it have to be women having sex like men? Why cant it just be, having sex for fun?

Even Sex and the City did an episode on women having sex like men where they posed the question: Is it even possible for women to have sex without emotional attachment? I think it is definitely possible. I think it is possible for the women to have sex without attachment, just as I also think women can get attached after having sex. Same goes for everyone else, of any gender. I also think the same person can have sex with one person and feel nothing, then have sex with another person and be unable to keep emotions out of it.

But having sex without emotion is not having sex like a man. And having sex with attachment is not having sex like a woman. Its having sex like a human, and we are all capable of an entire spectrum of emotional responses, or lack thereof.

Therefore, the idea that having sex on the first date (or in this case, having sex on the first hook up), is not about sex, but maybe about trust. The real reason you might not have sex right away is not because you are afraid your partner will think youre a slut, or just using them. It is because you are self-conscious;

worried you wont meet their standards, perform well, or that, they might only want sex from you.
What weve lost as a result of the disappearance of dating is a code for understanding each others wants and expectations. Buying a girl dinner used to mean you wanted, and expected sex. Regardless of the obvious sexism of that statement, at least the signals were clear. Today, when two people end up in the same bed together, the only way to know what the other one is thinking is to ask. And most of us havent reached that level of comfort yet, even those of us who hook up on a regular basis.

And those of us who do hook up on a regular basis are not expected to want more from any of our partners. If it is known that you plan to have sex, enjoy sex, and do so often, it is expected that you only want to have sex, enjoy sex, and do so often. Not only are these people often conflicted about their own choices, they feel that in order to have sex like men they must continue having sex like men. It is these people – the ones who may have evolved the furthest – who find themselves the most restricted by their choices.

By believing that having sex like men will empower them, these people are trapped in a system where only one type of sex is available to them- emotionless sex. If they chose to think of it as having sex for fun, there would be nothing to prove. They could find themselves in a meaningful relationship and still continue to have sex for fun without contradicting any values or goals.

Host Tom Ashbrook asked the question, Is sex no longer special? The panelists said no, its still special. I agree somewhat. I mean, its certainly more special than oral sex, which has become as common as 7th grade bake sales- but even then, it can be considered special for some. As usual, it depends.

But I think the real question here is this: Is it a bad thing that sex is sometimes not special? I really dont know how to answer that. It could be, in a sad, innocence lost sort of way. But on the other hand, it could be a good thing too. Sex isnt special! Now we can stop worrying about it! (This would perhaps be Foucaults ultimate wet dream.) But I dont think that will happen.

The last point I would like to address was the question Is the quality of sex better in a relationship than in a hook up? Here I am going to take the scientific approach and say, Yeah sorta. Its better because people in relationships get a lot of time to practice. With sex, practice is everything. This is why sex is better in a relationship- both partners have had a chance to learn the steps to their unique dance. In hook ups, there is a lot of stepping on toes.

I think the question they meant to ask was this, Does emotional attachment make sex better? I say, not necessarily. Sure, it could, if thats what does it for you. But Im sure emotionless sex is an ultimate fantasy for many folks, and Im also sure there are people who enjoy, and really get off on, both emotional and emotionless sex. Sex is better with emotion, for some, sometimes, but not for everyone, always.

In the end, its simple. Do what feels right for you. If you feel ashamed, think about why. Is it because you do not feel comfortable with your actions? Is it because you do not agree with your own philosophy? Or is it because you think other people will not approve, and think less of you for it?

Like I said, do what feels right for you, and let everyone else go fuck themselves. (If that feels right for you, of course.)

If youd like to hear the program, you can listen at www.onpointradio.org.

While talk of sex usually focuses on the genitalia, we must not forget the most adaptable, playful, stimulating, and sensual organs of all: our hands. No matter what type of sex you enjoy, be it penetrative, oral, with multiple partners, or by yourself, your hands play a role in play. Dont they deserve the same protection and eroticization afforded to other sexual organs?

It can be confusing to understand why hands need to be protected the same way as genitalia. I mean, hands dont get pregnant, right? You dont usually hear of people coming down with hand herpes. Still, there are certain risks involved in digital play that may not be so obvious.

We remember that not all STDs are transmitted through sexual fluids. Some are transmitted through skin-to-skin contact and others through blood. Hands do not ejaculate, but they do have skin and blood. Are you a cuticle biter? Paper cuts? Open cuts on your fingers provide a way for STDs like HIV to get through.

As for the skin-to-skin offenders (herpes and HPV, or genital warts,), they may not infect your hands, per say, but if you were to touch both yourself and your partner, your wandering hands could be spreading wandering viruses.

Gloves add a huge convenience and comfort factor. For example, it lessens the damage done by sharp fingernails. Not only are fingernails painful, but scratches create micro-abrasions through which STDs can pass. Gloves can also keep your hands slime-free when youre using lube. Instead of stopping the action to get a towel, just slip off the glove!

But wearing gloves isnt just about protecting ourselves from STDs. Its also about keeping our delicate parts clean and healthy. Sex isnt always mano a mano. Sometimes its mano a mouth, or mano a vagina. There is always more than one erogenous zone to play with, but we dont want them sharing fluids or bacteria. Lets face it, spreading bacteria from the anus to the vagina or head of the penis is a very common problem that can cause some very serious infections. Also, bacteria just loves to collect underneath your fingernails.

Some folks avoid anal play because they do not wish to touch anything dirty, but gloves present a safe, clean, way around the ick factor. Gloves give us the freedom to explore whatever orifice we desire. Just switch gloves for each zone, and youre set. And at SSIS prices, you can afford to go all night.

Another interesting advantage to gloves is that they open the door for foodplay. The oils, sugars, and other chemicals in food are NOT supposed to go in vaginas, and probably should be kept away from other orifices and sensitive membranes as well. Not only do they cause infections and yeast imbalances, but the oils break down latex, rendering most safer sex products useless.

Even if you are using whipped cream on the upperbody, the oils are still on your hands. This used to mean stopping to wash your hands before you touched your partner. With gloves, just rip off the used ones and get to it!

Now, I know what some of you must be thinking. Gloves? So not sexy! Heres where we at SSIS beg to differ. Remember that scene in Fight Club where Edward Norton interrupts Brad Pitt and Helena Bonham Carter mid-screw? Where Brad opens the door wearing nothing but yellow dishwashing gloves? And he snaps one down over his wrist as he turns back to Helena? I dont care what youre into, that scene is hot.

Besides, SSIS isnt asking you to get excited over standard latex examination gloves. We now carry Black Dragon latex gloves (you guessed it- theyre black) and Purple Passion nitrile gloves (yes purple). Both are powder-free, of course. These arent your average vinyl food-preparation gloves, folks. (Of course, we have those too, if Aramark really does it for you.)

What Im trying to say is that these gloves are sexy. Lately, I have taken to wearing them around the office. They can turn even the most mundane chores into a sexual experience. Plus, gloves give you a great excuse to try out some fantasy play. Excuse me, nurse? I have an itch.

But there is more to gloves than using them as gloves. For example, you could cut off the fingers to make sexy finger-cots. Or, if you cut off all the fingers, then cut up along the side that is opposite the thumb, you are left with a very exciting dental dam – complete with a spot for your tongue to do some probing. And if you are feeling really crafty, try tying end of the thumb in a knot, then push the knot around with your tongue for extra stimulation. Dont forget to experiment with lube and flavored lube!

Your hands do a lot, and so do gloves. The possibilities are endless;

be creative. Protect yourself and your partner(s), and give some well-deserved attention to those hands!

Love,
SSISnap!

A:
Yes. The Brandeis Health Center supplies Plan B, a brand of emergency contraceptive, or EC. EC is popularly known as the morning-after pill because we all understand what the morning after means. We all try to do our best to make good choices and protect ourselves, but lets face it, shit happens. Contraception sometimes fails, and sometimes we have unprotected sex. EC provides an option by preventing a potential pregnancy before it occurs.

EC comes in the form of two pills, taken 12 hours apart. Plan B, the version provided at the Health Center, contains a larger dose of levonorgestrel, a hormone found in some birth control pills. The hormone prevents ovulation, fertilization, and the implantation of an egg to the uterine lining. If any of these steps is missed, pregnancy will not occur.

EC is not the same as RU-486, or the Abortion Pill. RU-486 works by blocking the hormones needed to maintain a pregnancy, stopping the development of a fetus, and then inducing contractions in the uterus to expel the fetus. Basically, the symptoms are similar to that of a miscarriage. If you are already pregnant, however, taking EC will not harm or affect the fetus in any way.

The side effects of EC are similar to that of a bad period. They can include nausea, vomiting, cramps, spotting, and sometimes headaches or dizziness. Different people react to EC differently. Many people feel PMS-y, which could include anything from cramps to mild irritability. Some become very sick, while others have no symptoms at all. If you take or have taken the birth control pill, your sensitivity to that may give you a clue as to how your body might react to the larger dosage in Plan B. Still, the experience varies greatly from person to person.

The morning-after pill is a bit of a misnomer, because Plan B is effective for up to 72 hours after the uh oh. Plan B is most effective if taken in the first 36 hours after intercourse, but remains effective for up to 72 hours. Plan B literature states that the risk of pregnancy is reduced by 89% if taken during the first 72 hours. The sooner you take it, the better, but the drug is designed to give you a window of time so that you dont have to go rushing out into the night, searching for a 24-hour clinic.

The Brandeis Health Center (open from 8 AM to 8 PM weekdays, and 10 AM to 4 PM weekends) sells EC for $20 out of pocket. Your insurance will not be billed, and your parents will never know unless you choose to tell them. You do not need an appointment. For liability reasons, the person who buys the pill must be the person who takes the pill, aka you cannot buy pills for your friends here, your friends at different schools, or your partner. Besides, it is usually a good idea for the person taking the pill to be instructed by a professional, rather than hear the instructions second-hand. Usually, the nurse or other staff member will ask the person to take the first pill while at the Health Center. If the idea of a crowded waiting room full of prying eyes and ears frightens you, you might try calling ahead and explaining your concerns in a more private manner. Or you can always write personal on the form to be filled out at the desk, and leave it at that.

Recently, the FDA approved EC to be sold over the counter to women ages 18 and older. I am not sure if drug stores have implemented this yet, but keep an eye out.

Love,
SSIStrategy

Wet Willy

A: Well Willy, Im glad you brought this up. A lot of folks take offense at the suggestion of adding a lubricant to their normal sexual repertoire. Many assume that lube is needed only by those whose bodies arent up for the job, or those who arent satisfied by their partners. But lube isnt always about needing, its about wanting;

wanting a smoother, safer, sexier ride.

Bodies are different, and vaginas lubricate naturally to different degrees. Lubrication levels can be affected by outside influences, like stress and dehydration. Even an extremely aroused woman can appreciate and enjoy a little outside help. Besides, lube isnt just for vaginal penetration. It greatly improves manual and oral sex and is absolutely essential for anal sex. And dont forget, lube isnt only for people with partners. Masturbation is about loving yourself, so why miss out on the benefits of lube? No matter what kind, sex is great. Why not make it feel even better?

Humankind has always known that lube is a great pleasure enhancer. Centuries ago, olive oil was a popular choice. Technology and medical knowledge have improved since then. Before modern footwear, people wrapped their feet in cloth or leather, or went barefoot. And yes, people still walk around barefoot today. But you could walk a lot farther, and more comfortably, in sneakers.

Shoes are also important because they are a safety device, protecting your feet from broken glass and subway grime. Lube, too, is a safety device. Condoms are amazing, wonderful, and important safer sex products, but occasionally they do break. The natural enemy of the condom is friction. And the natural enemy of friction is lube. Simply stated, using lube greatly reduces your chance of breakage. Also, friction can cause micro-abrasions, and micro-abrasions can increase your risk of contracting and transmitting STDs. And lets not forget, lube can also prevent irritation and pain.

But once you decide to slick things up, you need to choose your lube. Today there is a plethora of options available. KY Jelly and Astroglide are the Keds of lube brands. Everyone knows them, you can find them everywhere, but they arent exactly known for their quality. KY and Astroglide were not developed for sex. They were created for the medical industrynamely, to insert probes and specula into bodily orifices. They are not designed to be long lasting or particularly sensual. For this reason, SSIS prefers other brands.

Glycerin is a common ingredient in lubes like Astroglide and KY, but can often cause yeast infections or irritation. Most lubes carried at SSIS, however, are glycerin-free. They are also biostatic, meaning they actively discourage infection.

The Merrells and New Balances of the lube kingdom are the water-based, glycerin-free Maximus and Liquid Silk. Liquid Silk resembles the bodys natural fluids, while Maximus has a thicker, gel-like consistency. All water-based lubes are safe to use with latex condoms. They do eventually reabsorb into the body, so reapply or add water as necessary.

A bottle of silicone-based lube is like a good pair of Tevas. Silicone-based lube (also safe with latex condoms) are the wettest and wildest of all the lubes. Wet Platinum is a great option and Pjur Eros is the Marc Jacobs rainboot of high-end silicone lubes. They are thin and stay wet longer than water-based lubes since they dont reabsorb into the body as quickly. In fact, one criticism is that they last too long. Our suggestion? Dont use it for a quickie before class.

And if youre into Birkenstocks and hemp sandals, you should definitely try Oh My! Lubes, made with all-natural ingredients. Oh My! is naturally sweet tasting, but also has a great line of flavored lubes to try. SSIS favorites are Blueberry Cheesecake and Pina Colada. And for once, the aftertaste is a good thing! Oh My! Lubes are made with hempseed oil and grapefruit seed extract. They are glycerin-free and biostatic. (Be careful with other brands of flavored lubes, since they often contain sugars and should not be used for penetration. Oh My! is the exception.)

Like a certain shoe can give you blisters, not all lubes are right for everyone. We recommend trying a bunch before buying a bottle. You can do this by buying one-time-use packets at SSIS and other sex boutiques.

So remember, lube isnt about deficiency and it isnt about ability. Its about pleasure, comfort, and safety. Wetter is better, and at SSIS its pretty damn cheap.

Love,
SSISlathered.

My friend asked me this on the shuttle taking us home from Harvard Square. It took me by surprise. Outgrown Brandeis? I, Leah Berkenwald, the young-for-my-age 20 year old definition of “late bloomer, have outgrown Brandeis? No. Of course not.
Ever since he asked me that, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Mostly because I think I actually am starting to outgrow Brandeis. Perhaps not Brandeis, but college in general.

Living off campus is certainly a big part. The world of cramped dorm room parties, CA drug raids and four a.m. fire alarms seems more like cruel and unusual punishment than a way of life. I certainly dont miss Aramark meals and the bathroom visits that inevitably followed.

I used to arrange my schedule so that Id only have classes three days a week, and even then none before 11 a.m. Four days a week Id sleep from four a.m. to four p.m., just in time for the sun to go down. Why? Because I could. These days, I wake up before eight a.m. and have a nice leisurely morning before my 9 and 10 oclock classes, five days a week. Why? Because I can.

I also no longer feel it is appropriate to wear my pajamas to class, to dinner, to meetings with professors, or out grocery shopping at Hannafords. Not to say I dress to impress everyday, but the pj's have been designated for extreme cases only, like having the flu, or when you know youll be sleeping over in Shapiro.

Since I began the preliminary work on my senior thesis (and having sleepovers in Shapiro) my classes seem less important. Though they are interesting, they feel more like a distraction from my own research than anything else. And you know youre getting older when you can identify all the first years in your classes by the way they always try to answer the professors rhetorical questions.

Do I feel that I have outgrown Brandeis? No, but I do feel that I have crossed that imaginary line separating upperclassmen from underclassmen. Thats frightening enough. In fact, thats really what being an upperclassman is all about: fear of writing theses, of securing internships and finding jobs for after graduation. Fear that we wasted the first 2-3 years of college following the wrong goals and sleeping until four p.m.

Its not that we outgrow college, but that from this end of it we can peer over the edge into the bottomless pit that is the real world. And while we take solace in making fun of the first years, we are still working through the changes weve made since we were first years, and the new changes directly ahead of us.

There were three girls sitting in front of us on the shuttle that night. They were obviously first years, coming home from a night on the town. They were laughing and taking pictures of themselves. I vaguely remember doing that with my friends freshman year. As I stared out the window, I wondered if those girls would even be speaking to each other next year.

My father used to chide my brother and me for always being the types to take one candy bar today rather than two tomorrow. He thought we were impatient that we acted on instincts instead of logic. He thought those were bad things. Thinking with your stomach is a bad idea in a world where candy bars are scarce commodities. Our world, however, is not lacking candy bars. Why wait for the second candy bar, when its likely you will be offered more candy bars tomorrow, or even later in the afternoon?

Now replace candy bars with sex. In a world overflowing with people trying to get laid, why are we treating sex like such a scarce commodity? In the name of love, or even true love, many of us are waiting for the sex we desire as though it was a once in a lifetime offer. If you take a candy bar today, you will have no candy bars ever again. But if we have sex today, will we never have sex again? Is there not a good chance we will be offered sex again tomorrow, or even later in the afternoon?
There have been many signs in our modern culture signaling the end of monogamous relationships as we know them: increasingly high divorce rates, open relationships, sperm banks and single parents, the fuck buddy phenomenon, and Paris Hilton. Of course, I dont want to oversimplify. Many young people still strive for monogamy as an ultimate goal, though they may make philandering pit stops along the way. We still want to get married, but not until were 30. But even still, there are some young people who believe their partners are cheating because they look at pornography.
The question I pose to you is this: What truly makes one happy? Is it love, or is it sex? Can one be happy without sex? Can one be happy without love? Can one love multiple sexual partners?

If the Princess Bride concept of true love is indeed the answer to our problems, it would make sense for us to save ourselves for that one special person our soul mate. But does everyone have a soul mate, or just Wesley and Buttercup? If there isnt one person for everyone, are there many fish in the sea? Ill stop with the clichs now, but my point is that unless we want to wait around for the possibility that there might be a soul mate looking for us, modern culture has provided us with plenty of other options. The idea of true love can be a painful one for many people who have not yet found it. Could it possibly make us happier to give up on the ideal of true love and indulge in all the other kinds of love readily available?

If someone does decide to take advantage of the surplus of people wishing to give love, be loved and have sex, they may encounter a problem. Our society places a great deal of importance on standards. Someone with high standards will only consider the physically elite. We are all taught to desire partners with thin, tan, toned, and usually airbrushed bodies. If we ourselves are not thin, tan, toned, and airbrushed, we are afraid of disappointing our partners and end up having low standards because we cannot believe anyone attractive would actually want to date us. But what many people fail to realize is that while airbrushed bodies are rare, there is an overabundance of less-than-perfect-yet-still-very-attractive bodies out there! Couldnt it make us happier to give up on the ideal of the perfect body and indulge in all of the other kinds of bodies readily available?

Despite the fact that many are experimenting with alternatives to monogamy, most of us havent given up on it entirely. Like a retirement plan, the idea of marriage comforts us as we grow older. It is hard to see a non-monogamous way of life being practical in ones old age. However, there is something to be said for acting upon our impatience and animal instincts while were young. Why should we think with our heads instead of our loins when there are plenty of fulfilling sexual opportunities waiting for us? Why should we wait for marriage to experience love when love is unquantifiable? There is no reason to wait for two candy bars tomorrow when we can have one today, and one tomorrow, one Wednesday, and one Friday, and still get married when we lose our taste for sugar.

I was a little surprised, seeing as I had not been interviewed, nor had I written anything of interest lately. As you may or may not have noticed, I missed my last deadline all together! I sat down to read Horseradish. Either he was writing one crazy piece of satire, or I was really out of the loop. 12/11? What was that? His dog? And then blonde-haired, blue-eyed Kevin came galloping into the story brandishing white bread. This was getting interesting. Then I saw my name.

Frankly, I am offended! And why shouldnt I be? Michael Sitzman used my name without permission! That sort of trick may be permissible at the Justice, but I never thought my own paper would betray me! And such betrayal! How dare Sitzman suggest that I am simply a boring reporter sitting in a BTV65 sky copter. I mean, Kevin at least got a mayonnaise joke or two! Is there nothing funny about my public persona? Dont I have a reputation to satirize? I would hate to think that I have come all this way to sit in a BTV65 sky copter with no personality.

I have failed you, my readers. I fear I have not been controversial enough. I have not pegged myself into a hole of reputation as many of my fellow strong-willed Brandeisians. But, never fear. Ill find some way to stir up trouble. Even if I have to call each and every one of you a racist!

This weekend, I endured the most awkward conversation of my life. I was wandering and unfortunately I wandered smack into an old high school acquaintance. This particular person was someone I needed to prepare forlike, with a new wardrobe and some breathing exercises. At the time of the most awkward conversation of my life, I couldnt help but think about how disheveled I looked, with my old ratty fleece coat and staticky hair. I just wanted to shout, Im not like this anymore! Ive changed! Im successful! Im thinner! I have better fashion sense, honest!

Later that day, I switched to my warmer coat, which happens to be a beautiful yellow Michael Kors knee-length fitted coat. With only the change of a coat, I was successful, thinner and had better fashion sense. And then I ran into another high school acquaintance. But during the second awkward conversation of the day, it was the yellow coat that had me embarrassed. This acquaintance was not someone I wanted to show off to. I didnt need to prove anything to her. I thought of her as an equal, but that damn coat made me feel like an imposter. I wanted to shout, Im still me! I havent changed! Im not more successful than you, nor am I thinner or with better fashion sense! I am just a stupid kid with a stupid coat.

The lesson, in a nutshell, is that you shouldnt try to be anything. Just be yourself. And you should feel comfortable just being your disheveled, staticky self. But it isnt always that easy. The problem with this philosophy is that I really like my yellow coat! I like how it makes me feel. Stylish, elegantthese are not words I usually use to describe myself. Is it wrong to want to feel a little unlike your normal self? I dont think so.

I suppose the easiest answer is just to avoid the situation entirely. Stay in Boston, wear whatever you want here because no one will challenge whatever image you put on. When no one knows you, you can be whoever you want, even if its a different person everyday. But what happens when its time to go home, where everyone already has an image of you? What if you no longer fit that image? What if it was wrong all along?

So what, should we never return home? Never run the risk of bumping into those people we are dying to impress or those people that make us embarrassed that weve changed? I think it is cowardly to stay away. The conversations may be awkward, and I may never be wearing the right thing at the right time, but I refuse to surrender my hometown. And besides, perhaps we dont give old acquaintances enough credit. Maybe they can accept our new selves. Maybe they dont even notice.

When it all comes down to it, we are who we are. Regardless of whatever it is we are, we will always be ourselves, no matter what we are wearing. And besides, we have plenty of time before our 10 year reunions to find the perfect outfit and do breathing exercises.

Yes, we understand that science is complicated and difficult. We arent afraid to admit we are terrified of numbers and chemical equations, but please dont assume that its because we are stupid. I hate to challenge the precious status quo, but science is not harder than humanities. And I, as a humanities person, would like to get a little more respect for the hard work I do.

I suppose one might think that since they did well in their high school history and English classes, they would be a star in collegiate humanities classes. I dont think that is necessarily true. High school humanities have very different standards than collegiate humanities. Just because you could master the 5 paragraph essay does not mean you can handle our 3 hour long essay exams, our 25 page research papers and our 300 pages of reading a night. Let us not forget our professors who are demanding by day, and grammar Nazis by night.

We may not know calculus or the periodic table, but in order to succeed in our field, we are expected to know the political and cultural implications of any event from any time period in any country. We must be closely acquainted with all historical or literary figures, American or otherwise. In order to understand the allusions in our texts, we must have a solid background in history, literature, philosophy, politics, psychology, theology and cultural knowledge of every civilization from the Egyptians through the Middle Ages through modern day. Basically, we have to understand the entire world and its people, as well as their significance, their past, present, and future. It may not be astrophysics, but its a lot of knowledge.

Science is important. Everyone who owns a microwave understands how important science is. But lets be honest. Not everyone needs to understand how the microwave works in order to use it. Science provides us that luxury. The people who invented suspension bridges, antibiotics and the internet are indispensable. We all need suspension bridges, antibiotics or the internet at one point in our lives. There is no denying the practical importance of scientific development. Its right in front of us. We can touch it, swallow it, and surf it. It is a little harder to see how social scientists contribute to the world, however.

You cannot feel or taste the presence of social science and the humanities, but they are all around us. They gave us democracy, Saturday Night Live and religion. They gave us Hollywood, journalism and fashion. They gave us welfare, advertising and the civil rights movement. There is more to life than manipulating the physical elements that construct it.

It is believed that humans are capable of thought because it is a tool we need to survive. And yes, without inventing tools, we probably wouldnt have survived. But our capacity for thought extends beyond our ability to make tools. We are also capable of thinking socially and abstractly. Though it is less obvious, we need social and abstract thought to survive as well. Even the most primitive concepts like family and religion still shape our lives today. And believe me, the concept of family is no less important than making fire, and the concept of government is no less important than the invention of automobiles.

And please, dont make fun of us for picking a major that wont automatically land us on an employers doorstep after we graduate. The fact that it is harder for humanities majors to find jobs only proves that the humanities fields are more competitive. And for those science majors without a thesaurus, that means its hard. Im not trying to say that med school isnt difficult, but I will point out that today there are a lot less people applying to med school, and the pre-meds dont have to face much competition. The situation is much less kind for humanities graduates.

So please, lay off the jokes. Yes, we know that Otto, the bus driver from The Simpsons, was an American Studies major. And yes, we know well all probably end up in (shudder) law school. We can joke about never finding a job, but its mean when science people do it. Do we laugh at them for being atrocious spellers? Well, we do, but only amongst ourselves. Laughing directly at them would be mean now, wouldnt it?

But discomfort and complete pointlessness aside, I imagine having electronics in your breasts would create a few problems. Like walking through metal detectors. Or, more so, explaining why you are setting off the metal detector even though you have already removed your belt, your earrings, your glasses, your keys, your shoes…

Im sorry, I have an mp3 player implanted in my breast.

And you cant remove it, Maam?

Afraid not.

Then I guess Im going to have to ask you to remove your shirt. To make sure its really in there… you know… for security.

Or…
I have an mp3 player implanted in my breast.

Sure you do… Please step right over there to that room marked terrorist. Thanks.
But air travel aside, what about mammograms? Squishing your boob is one thing, but squishing a boob with an mp3 player inside? If a mammogram is how my aunt describes it (slamming your boob in a car door), then a mammogram with an mp3 player inside must fit under some cruel and unusual punishment clause of some constitution somewhere. And dont electronics usually heat up after you use them for a while?

I like you.

My chest is on fire!

I knew you had feelings for me!

No! My chest is ON FIRE you asshole!

And, perhaps the most painful and embarrassing of all: Imagine youre playing some of your smooth, in the mood music while spending some time alone with your partner. They make an enthusiastic grab, and suddenly, youre both listening to that Linkin Park track you never told anyone you downloaded… so not sexy.

I think musical breast implants are a terrible idea. Well, at least thats what I thought until this afternoon when I left my iPod in class. You dont know embarrassment until you have to interrupt another class (a small, personal one) to go crawling around on the floor looking for your iPod.

Especially since you know that if someone picked it up and turned it on, they would immediately be presented with the information that you sometimes listen to Avril Lavigne. And Im just not sure Im willing to share that information with the jerk who is stealing my iPod.

So, I guess having your mp3 player surgically implanted would be one way to avoid losing it. Minus the pain, scars, references to Bionic Woman, requests to see it, risk of the player needing repairs, chance of losing the ability to breast feed, and having to explain to your parents why you need thousands of dollars for the procedure, mp3 implants are a great idea. Bring on the musical breasts!

There we were, a class of misfits belly up on yoga mats, with one leg held taut in the air by an elastic band. An entire class of legs trembling in the air, the elastic bands (which look like dental dams for giants) stretching and snapping from our hands. The mellow opera music swelled and crescendoed, and seemed to turn the struggle to keep our legs straight into a Rudy-esque drama reaching its great moment of glory.

Watching my instructor do scissors, was unnerving. She is able to lay on her back with one leg on the floor and the other completely bent backwards towards her head- all while wearing a fanciful outfit I wouldve worn to a nice restaurant. Not even her perfect blonde braid came loose. Consider the contrast: Me, my head reaching up to see what I should be doing, both legs bent, my feet pointing in all the wrong directions… not exactly your picture of grace.

I dont know about you, but being able to have your ankle painlessly resting next to your ear is WRONG! Where did my instructor learned such unnatural movements? Certainly not here. This Boston. We Puritans were not built for hip rotations! Our bodies were built for sports like hunting and kneeling in church, and occasionally, very private and repressed sex. This sort of exercise is pure sin! It belongs in LA, not Boston.
After the first week, I was convinced that Pilates was not a harmless new exercise fad, but actually a deviant form of ritualistic masochistic torture performed by witches to appease the demons of health and sports. After a couple weeks of pilates classes, my fear of the occult has begun to dissipate, but my confusion has only grown.

At our last class, we were instructed to lie face down, and lift a ruby off the floor with our belly button. With instructions like these, its important not to get lost in your internal monologues which end up a little something like this:

Lift a ruby off the floor… okay. Does this mean I have to lift my entire stomach off the floor? Can skinny people do that? A little presumptuous if you ask me. And why are we lifting rubies? Why a ruby? Couldnt I lift a pebble or a gumball? How did she ever come up with a ruby? Of all the gems why not diamonds. Well I guess they would be too small Oh my god! I think Im lifting my stomach off the floor! No, wait, back spasm.

While Im glad that my pilates instructor knows her anatomy, I really dont think medical terms are necessary when you are trying to get someone to raise their leg. By the time shes finished explaining the entire exercise, Im still trying to figure out where my androdoximorophus muscles are. Because I think I was supposed to contract them while breathing in and imagining sparks shooting out the top of my head. Or was that breathing out?

The most confusing instructions are the breathing ones:

Breathe in to contract, breathe out to stay, breathe in to release, move your (No) shoulders down and (breathing) inward and knit (allowed) your ribs together (during) while you imagine (this) pushing your (part.) legs against springs, breathe out (Whew!) to extend, breathe in for nothing, and contract again.
First of all, breathe in for nothing? Breathe in for nothing? And more importantly, nothing? What about living! Thats certainly not nothing.

For me, Pilates is two hours a week specially reserved for not knowing what the hell is going on. But strangely enough, its growing on me. And hey, maybe we need that sort of thing in our lives.

Of course, you have to give some credit to the addictive nature of the drink. Even those of us who despise American stereotypes are still vulnerable to those hot, strong, smooth, calming yet energizing beans. Heres an example.

My family took a trip to Buenos Aires a few years back. We were doing our best to fit in with the Euro-metropolitan elegance of the city. I believe there was only one occasion where we were not allowed into a restaurant because of our American blue jeans. We were doing quite well until a waiter served my mother yet another teensy cup of espresso. Yes, in Buenos Aires and many other European-style cities, coffee doesnt come in grande, only espresso.

My mother, a serious coffee drinker, couldnt take it any longer. She broke down and, to our embarrassment, she found a McDonalds to get that big, American-style coffee. I, along with those average American, media-consuming folks, have a nice association to the image of coffee. It is professional. It is mature.
Drinking it makes people happier. And as an American student, it is something an entire campus depends on. I like the idea of a hopelessly addicted coffee lover. There was just one little problem… I dont really like coffee.

Now, before you begin calling me an un-patriotic, communist French fry, let me explain. I love coffee ice cream! And coffee flavored candy! And mochas! I love mochas! I just havent been able to enjoy the bitter taste of plain coffee. And mochas are very expensive. And you just cant take a bowl of coffee ice cream to class in the mornings. I have been missing out, and it hurts. But I feel this is about to change. This morning I went to Java City and, what the hell, got a cup of coffee. I added milk and three sugar packets. Stir, sip… hey! This wasnt so bad! I could drink this! I wanted to jump for joy in the middle of the C-Store and yell, Look at me! Im a real American! I was proud, but that in itself was a little confusing.

As a liberal thinker, it is hard to admit that you actually wanted to fit into an American stereotype because not only is stereotyping wrong, but American stereotypes are horrible, nightmarish things that only perpetuate anti-American sentiments overseas, etc. But if I can separate myself from the liberal thinker stereotype for a minute here, whats wrong with wanting to be an American? Immigrants surely did, and as a third generation American, whats wrong with showing a little pride for the country that saved the lives of my grandparents and allowed me to grow up the liberal thinker I am today?

As someone who fell into American Studies somewhat by accident, I feel compelled to suggest that every once in a while we should all put aside our politics for a minute and remember the things we like about this country. They could be 18th century revolutionary ideals, our commitment to the first amendment, Hollywood, or simply the fact that this is the place we call home. Its okay to be a proud American, regardless of your politics. The fact that we all have our own politics is part of the reason why our country is special.

So next time you are hurrying off to class, dont forget to grab a cup of coffee. (After all, it is Fair Trade.) Take some time to enjoy the warm symbolism and the strong flavor of America.

Yep, good ol Mark ran off with the program and released Facebook before the rest of the group was able to release their project, ConnectU.com. In haste, the Winklevoss brothers of ConnectU released the product in an admittedly not-quite-finished form. The result was amazing, though very few were paying it any attention.
Unlike Facebook, ConnectU added any school that wished to be a part of the community right away. All you had to do was drop Cam or Ty a message, and they would open up ConnectU to your school. And the two of them always message back. Like the rest of the ConnectU users, Tyler and Cameron have profiles and check them regularly. These ConnectU gods walk among their people, and are quick to answer their prayers. We asked for a remember me checkbox, and the Winklevoss brothers provided. The suggestions made by the early ConnectU users have shaped its development into the superior-to-Facebook site it is today.
Everyone claims to spend so much time on Facebook, but what are they doing? Once you have answered your friend requests, posted on a couple walls, and checked for profile updates, what more is there to do? All of the things you can do on Facebook you can do on ConnectU. But on ConnectU users can post an entire gallery of pictures instead of just their user pic. Forums on any topic are found right on your home page. Every profile includes a blog. Livejournal users can even import their ljs onto their profiles. Your home page will also give you updates from the popular blog StallScribbles.com. Not only can you connect to people in your classes, you can buy and sell your used books through the site.

One of the most popular features is the option to view the weeks most popular profiles, by school and in general. A fun way to pass the time is to compete to see who can get the most profile views (Hint: Posting scantily-clad user pics is not always the most successful way). One of the best features is a chat program where you can chat via ConnectU with other online users. This is the perfect way to stay occupied when you are bored at work and too afraid to download AIM. Its also a great dating filter where you can chat with someone without having to give them your screen name right off the bat.

So, if this is the third time today youve checked Facebook for new messages and wall updates with nothing to show for it, try something different. At the risk of hurting the collective GPA of our student body, I recommend ConnectU as the perfect remedy for both the bored Facebook user and the addicts searching for a stonger fix. Go forth and procrastinate!

This past week has been a tricky one for me socially. Relationships, be they friendships or otherwise, always have bumps along the road. We deal with them, and eventually, things are smoothed over. But, I never knew just how much worse a social problem (aka: drama) could be when it becomes public through LJ.

At the very least, LJ is a way to vent your feelings. You begin by writing about how upset you are, then, you begin to check your friends LiveJournals compulsively. Did they post again? Am I posting more than they are? Did he mention me? What did she say? Are they alright? And needless to say, the other parties involved were doing the same thing.

LiveJournal provides a unique posting feature that allows some friends to read your post, and blocks it from others. A few of my posts were locked so that everyone except one person could read them. I, in my LJ-diluted world, thought that I could hide certain feelings from that person while broadcasting them over the internet at the same time. Of course they would find out what I wrote. And they did.

The worst part, however, is the comment posting. Not only did I know exaclty what everyone involved was doing and how they were feeling, I knew how every one of our friends was feeling about our problem. Our personal issue was no longer personal. It was public for all to see on the world wide web. And it was getting ugly.

It can be hard to remember how drama, (which includes fights, breakups, malicious gossip, and more) worked before LiveJournal. If you were fighting with someone, you had to talk to them to their face or at least over AIM. In a conversation, each party can say what they want to say and explain, clarify, and re-form their opinions throughout the discussion. In a LiveJournal discussion, each post is only one point. Though the argument can eventually be resolved, it takes much longer because the posting can go on for days before anything is worked out. You cant have an effective conversation when you must wait hours or days for replies to each of your points.

Breakups were also very different before LiveJournal. After a breakup, you didnt talk to the other person, and you didnt have to see how much they were hurting. You didnt have to hear the opinions of people who barely know you or who dont know the situation well enough to be giving advice. You didnt have to stay in contact with your exs over-protective or vindictive friends. Instead of checking every 2 minutes to see if your ex posted, you were out with your friends, getting through it, moving on.

Though it was painful to stay glued to my screen thoughout this whole ordeal, it was also safe. But last night I took a risk. I talked with a real person, face to face. It was strange. Once it was just the two of us again, all of the chatter of our friends opinions and their well-intentioned advice just disappeared. We had a chance to listen to ourselves and each other– the only people who really know what we feel and what we want.

Meeting didnt solve our problems. We are still hurt and confused. Meeting in person wasnt the easiest thing to do, but either way, it was much better than sending cryptic messages to each other through the prism of the public eye.

When LiveJournal was created, it was not tested or approved for use in every aspect of human interaction. LiveJournal was not designed to handle breakups, or any other social melodramas. It has no conscience. When you are an avid LiveJournaler, I know its hard to imagine not posting when you are upset. But sometimes, just sometimes, regular old human contact is best. And during these times we have to log out, sign off, and remember how to live life the old fashioned way.

Student: Well, I dont know. I [either] am just not sure yet [or] cant make up my mind!

Professor: Well, dont get too stressed out about it. Youre only how old are you?

Student: 19.

Professor: Youre only 19! Isnt that young for a sophomore?
Student: I skipped Kindergarten.

Professor: Oh. Well, youre only 19. You have [either] your whole life ahead of you [or] all the time in the world!

Student: Well, not exactly I have to declare by the end of my sophomore year
Professor: See, this is why its good that youre at a liberal arts university. Youre supposed to get a good general education- you have a chance to explore all sorts of fields- you can even try an art class!

Student: Sigh.

I have the feeling that most of us have had this conversationwith the exception of the part about skipping Kindergarten, of course. I have a feeling that might be specific to me but you still get the idea. But, if it is in fact true that we have our whole lives ahead of us, why are we feeling so much pressure?
Now, I am not saying that the professors who tell us this are wrong. They arent. From the standpoint of someone who has already finished college and had one or many careers, this statement is fundamentally sound. We are young, there is time.

So, whats with all the pressure? We have to declare a major by the end of sophomore year. Thats coming up quickly for some of us, (me). And what about Study Abroad? Its something that most of us want to do in theory- but are we really ready to pick a country, pick a city, pick a program, find scholarships, and leave our friends behind to have a semester of fun without us? All by October?

And what about internships? Not only have they become an essential stepping stone to graduate school or the real world, but now they are often a requirement for majors and minors. Ever wonder why we dont call it summer vacation anymore? Its because we dont have a vacation anymore. We call it a break but it isnt really. Its a break from school, but not from the pressure to plan for our futures. Theres no time for cross-country road trips or backpacking through Europe anymore- summers are for internships. And since you have to live wherever the (unpaid) internship dictates, summers are also for saving money to cover the costs of said internship.

You can always change majors, everyone says. But something tells me that a second semester junior with all of her math requirements finished might find it hard to switch into anthropology, with no reqs finished, and still graduate on time.

In reality, we dont have all the time in the world. We only have 2 years to pick our major. But even more importantly, we only have 4 years to be in college in total. Four years to do everything weve wanted- to become club leaders, to live in Ridgewood, to study abroad, to take that studio art class, or to make those life-long friends.

The hard part is accepting that our college experience may not turn out like we wanted. We may never get a good housing lottery number. The class weve been waiting for may be cancelled. We might never make the team. We might never lose the weight. And most frightening of all, our life-long friends may end up being our high school friends. Nineteen is not very young when you are pushed out of the nest at 21.

But maybe the point we should be paying attention to is not the pressured to make decisions in college, but rather that our futures may have nothing to do with the decisions we make in college at all. English majors may decide to go to med school someday. Doctors can become writers, and writers may become entrepeneurs. Econ majors could even become actors, though thats pushing it. But either way, we dont have to have it all figured out by the time we graduate. We just have to figure out how to graduate. We have the rest of our lives to worry about the rest.

Once I was at the housing lottery, waiting to be pulled into a Village double with my lovely roommate, (1362 a good number, but nowhere as cool as 1985) I was pleasantly surprised to find that all of the Village doubles had been taken, and the pull-ins were also gone. How exciting!

The tension was really strong then to use a beaten-to-death clich, it was so thick I could have cut it with a knife! Some people there seemed very upset. But I dont know how they could be when the friendly, perky, people wearing yellow Viva Reslife shirts were playing trivia games with us! I guess some people might consider a friendly game of trivia to pass the time somewhat of a cruel and unusal mockery of our sufferring, but those people just dont know how to have a good time.

The best part was when they called my roommates number. We were led through a maze of signing forms (my FAVORITE!) and I.D. checks (because they really give a damn who we are) and led into Levin Ballroom. Well, I never really made it into the ballroom, but thats alright. Im not one for dancing anyway.

Once I was in the torture chamber waiting room, I learned that the only rooms left were singles. I was so excited that my roommate would get a single in the Village! What a great opporitunity to live in a brand new dorm that is (horrendously) overpriced and completely spacially inefficient! Im so proud of my school for choosing a pretty building that houses less people rather than a less pretty building that could have really made a difference in solving this housing crisis. I know I always value looks above anything else, and Im glad to see that my school agrees.

Needless to say, there was no housing left by my magical number. But really, I thank Reslife for the opporitunity to try a new way of life homelessness. Being from my priveleged background (meaning I have the privelege of paying $40,000 to attend school that cant even give me a place to sleep) I would never have had the opportunity to see how the other half lives if it wasnt for Reslife.

My plans for next year are really exciting. In my spare time, I have been shopping for cardboard boxes. I found a very nice refrigerator box, that I can actually lay down in, on some random street corner. Everyone is going to be jealous. I have also been keeping an eye out for brightly colored rags to decorate with, and I have been stocking up on Justice back issues to stuff underneath my clothes to keep warm in the winter. (Thats all theyre really good for anyway)

Frankly, I couldnt be happier. I am writing this article in hopes that Reslife, and other members of the fine administration here at Brandeis University will read it and hear what I am saying. To put it plainly, I am telling you how happy we all are with our current housing situation. And I am telling you how happy we will all be if it does not change drastically next year. Are you hearing me Jehuda? Viva Reslife.

Even though the average Brandeis student spends a good portion of each day working, being overworked is your own choice. If you take 5 classes or maybe too many labs, it can certainly happen. But it doesnt have to. Also, if you choose to participate in too many time consuming clubs, it can happen. But it is still a choice. (Sidenote: Can we please get a theater group on campus that puts maybe one show a year and doesnt have to rehearse for 12 hours a day?) Regardless, I dont think the academics are making us unhappy at Brandeis.

If anything, they give us a sense or pride and accomplishment even if its only to say, Im not failing out of Brandeis! Which holds a lot more weight than, Im not failing out of oh I dont know Framingham State. To be honest, I dont think the problem has to do with a lack of fun events either. And I really dont think it has to do with a lack of a hardcore party scene. We have Brandeis-style parties. They are fun, as long as you can get at least an hour in before they get broken up.

In my opinion, the problem is with the many, many annoyances we have to put up with each day. The first, most obvious, and possibly most important of these, is food. We all know dining services is run by Aramark and not Brandeis, but it is still our digestive systems on the line here and if it sucks, I dont care what anyone says, its Brandeiss fault. They know we hate it;

they need to make a change, and a drastic one.

Never mind food quality (not going there), the hours of the dining halls have to change. People live here every day. And yes, people get hungry on Friday nights. Can someone tell me why I am denied food on Friday nights? As far as I know, Shabbat doesnt involve fasting. And okay, food quality. (Yes, I am going there.) IT BLOWS! Is it at all possible to buy meat that hasnt fallen off some truck somewhere? Lettuce that is still fresh? Fruit that is ripe? Cheese that isnt fluorescent orange? And please, please, please start making food that actually tastes good! We need more variety. The salad bars and parfait station in the Boulevard and Usdan are a good start, but we want more! And the last aggravation to do with dining halls is the pricing.

We should be able to get a drink with our food and not have the price go over the price of a meal. It is just logical. And yes, weve all been told that the prices are high because we steal trays and silverware. But I have some news for you: we steal tray and silverware because we hate Aramark! And telling us it is our fault wont help. No one believes prices will actually go down if they stop stealing. Okay. Annoyance number two. Midterms. Why are midterms a season instead of a short period? Why do most of my classes have more than one midterm? Midterms should be more like finals and less like a way of life.

They should be in the space of two, maybe even three weeks. Not the entire stretch of time between February break and finals! Cant the stress period be confined? So we can plan around it? So we wont get burnt out after an entire month of exams and papers one after another? And finally, the third annoyance is housing. One that is especially difficult right now. First of all, why do we always have to deal with housing, midterms, and pretty soon registration, all at the same time? Its a little too much.

But really. How can you expect us to be happy, especially right now, when a significant percentage of us are being forced into homelessness? And an even bigger percentage of us are being forced into housing situations we dont want ( lucky to get housing at all) that will only make us more unhappy next year. Just give us a place to live! We need enough housing so no one has to rely on someone elses number and someone elses preference. No one should have to lose friends because of housing drama.

That being said, I dont think Brandeis students are really all that unhappy. Yes, we complain. A lot. Case in point: this article. But most of us arent that unhappy. Happiness depends on our friends and our personal self esteem, things the school has no control over. But regardless of the reasons, Brandeis could do to improve a few things here on campus. And while it may not guarantee happiness, its certainly a start. The rest, unfortunately, is up to us. The more we complain, the worse reputation Brandeis will get, the more money it will lose, and the worse life here will actually become. Its time to stop complaining and start doing.

V-day is not the easiest of holidays to deal with. Although it has semi-religious origins, it has become so secular that no American can escape its wrath. I have found that people respond to this holiday in drastically different ways, and therefore, I have taken the liberty of making huge over-generalizations and lumping everyone into five categories.

First, the Cardgivers. You know the type. These are the happy people, who, single or otherwise, are sure to send cute valentines to just about everyone they know. These cards are either handmade or store-bought with little cartoons and awful love-puns. The cards usually come with some sort of heart-shaped candy. Just remember, even though its nice to get a heart saying Be Mine, a real friend gives chocolate.

The second type are the Haters. Essentially, the Haters hate the commercialized expression of love that is our modern V-day. They hate the color pink, they hate the shape of a heart, and they hate chalky word-hearts. They hate smiles. They hate love. They hate happiness and sunlight. Haters are most easily spotted scoffing at all other categories, especially the third- the Mooshy Lovebirds.

Mooshy Lovebirds have wonderful boyfriends and lovely girlfriends, and they wont let you forget it! They insist on making every affectionate gesture a public display. It is not uncommon for Mooshy Lovebirds to compete with other Mooshy Lovebirds over whose gifts were the most expensive. Common exchanges include: roses, teddy bears, chocolates, new clothes, new shoes, expensive dinners, limo rides, champagne, hotel stays, concert tickets and new cars. Mooshy Lovebirds are also prone to making lavish surprise serenades in very public places, just to make sure everyone knows just how happy they are.

On the other side of the coin lie the Lonelies. Without the anger of the Haters, the Lonelies are single people who have lost all hope. To them, V-day is only a reminder of their failures and the probability that they will spend the rest of their lives alone in solitary desperation. Yes, the Lonelies hate V-day, but are more likely to stay in their rooms and cry, than to tell you about it.

Last but not least, are the Cynics. These are easily spotted by their use of the word Hallmark Holiday in everyday speech. They view V-day as a symbol of all that is evil in todays consumerism nightmare. It is just an excuse to trick hardworking Americans into spending money on pleasant cards and other nice, thoughtful, appreciated gifts that that they were tricked into buying! V-day also hurts children workers in Cambodian sweatshops and pollutes our environment. V-day is despicable in their eyes, and they dont mind telling you about it. Especially if you are a Cardgiver, you poor deluded fool.

Phew. Now that I have finished my entirely offensive gross generalizations, I have to wonder where I fit in. Unfortunately, though I take the liberty to lump everyone else into stereotypes, I cannot comfortably do it for myself. Unfortunately, I know myself too well.
I think if I had to create a sixth category for myself, it would the Failures. I am a V-day failure. Why? Mostly because Im too much of a space cadet to remember it. When I am single, I barely notice its passing. When I am in a relationship I get confused. Am I supposed to do something? Or something?

The worst part is that whenever someone says Happy V-day to me, I always assume that V-day stands for Venereal Disease Day. I think you can understand how this can get a bit awkward.

But regardless of my failure, Valentines Day does not have to be experienced in any of the stereotypical ways I described. Instead of letting the holiday depress you, be creative. Find a meaning for the day that is agreeable to you. Celebrate it (or not) in whatever way makes you happy, and take care not to annoy everybody else.

So, happy Venereal Disease Day folks! And if this magical day brings you somewhere special, always remember: herpes is for life.

Although I have certainly been a timid person, I was not always that way. I was a tree climber, a lover of highs, edges, and speed. But, after I broke my arm for the third time, (trying to ride a bike without using my hands) I decided it would be in my best interest to end my daredevil ways and become a cautious child who always used the brakes while going down hills. I continued to exercise my caution throughout high school and until very recently, when ironically, I injured my arm once again.

This past summer, I was in a pretty major car accident. Essentially, the mini-van I was driving was hit on the side (by a teensy Ford Fiesta, oddly enough) and flipped completely over. I was fine until I crawled out the window of the upside down car and was punctured by glass shards from my elbow down. I didnt feel the pain until I was calmed down in the ER, being operated on by a tired surgeon with minimal anesthetic, forced to feel every tissue he sliced in order to pry out a stubborn glass shard stuck in between my elbow bones, and then made to sit through a tedious stitching process in which 20+ stitches were needed to reconstruct what was left of the skin on my elbow and arm.

I am pretty sure, compared with all my broken bones, dislocated elbows, gashes and other calamities, that this was the most physically painful thing I have ever gone through.

Since the accident, I have been a much more cautious driver (I refused to drive at all for three weeks or so), but on the other hand, I have regained some of my more daredevilish tendencies. On my Birthright Israel trip this winter break, I dangled my legs over the edge of Masada. I swam in the Dead Sea even though I had cuts on my body. I rode a camel without holding on. (Look ma, no hands!)

I went to New York City with some not-so-close friends and without even a clear notion of who I would be staying with. I have even become more adventurous in certain areas that may not be appropriate for this venue, and lastly, without even thinking about bothering to ask for parental approval, I got my nose pierced.

Why was I suddenly willing to look past the pain that would inevitably result from voluntary nasal mutilation? Because I knew it couldnt possibly hurt as much as having a cube of auto glass twisted out from inside my elbow by a pair of tweezers. And while it did hurt quite a bit, I was right.

Being the faux-mature high school student I was, I thought college would be a Mecca for maturity and sensibleness. I thought people would wake up early for classes and shower regularly. I thought people would drink responsibly and go to the opera on Friday nights. I thought people would do all of their readings for class and dress appropriately for the weather. I even thought that during quiet hours people had to be quiet. In short, I thought college was going to be boring as hell!

But luckily, I was wrong. Instead of well-balanced meals I eat French fries and cake. Why? Because my mother isnt here to tell me no. When I have finished my French fries and cake, I start napkin fights with the people sitting at the next table. Last time, my roommate ended up with a tater-tot stuck up her nose. Hey, did you see Napoleon Dynamite yet?

Laundry is also a fun adventure. You know youre a college student when all of your whites have a pink tinge because they were washed with your red Brandeis sweatshirt. In fact, Id be suspicious of anyone without pink-tinged whites. They probably have the laundry service. But I mean, really. Why would anyone want their clothes to stay the same color as when they bought them? Watching them evolve is fun! And, its not that I dont know to separate whites and darks, its really that Im too lazy. But dont worry;

Ill be sure to teach the bewildered hot guy at the next washer. And Ill betcha ten bucks hell be too lazy to keep his whites as blank as that paper I havent started yet.

It is really too bad that due to the cancellation of a beloved event this year, the freshmen havent gotten an accurate picture of drinking irresponsibly at Brandeis. While all those mature people are off somewhere sipping scotch watching the NBC Nightly News, we get to be here funneling Red Stripe and chasing it with Jack Daniels in a dingy dorm room. How exciting it was to live on a freshman hall, which turned into an obstacle course of puke and overturned trash cans every weekend! Without it, I dont think my experience would have been the same. I mean, without nights of drunken revelry, where would the nicknames (vomitbag) come from? And really, when it comes to those nights you really drank (7 shots of vodka, 6 beers and 4 cups of punch), do you really want to remember what happened anyway? Might as well down another 9 shots, take a BEMCO sponsored field trip and have a great story to tell the next day.

And how awesome was it to learn that I would never have to sleep alone, never mind in my own bed, ever again! Honestly, without the extra-cushioning of another body, how could anyone sleep on those bad excuses for mattresses? Sometimes I come home from a night in some other bed on some other body (dont remember his name – too much Jack) and find a random couple in my bed! How awesome is it that with two people to each bed, there are dozens of empty beds for drunk people to crash in! And what about all of those off-campus partiers who are too drunk to drive home? Dont they need a warm bed to sleep in too? If you think about it, sleeping around is really a humanitarian act. Some might call the behavior slutty, but I call it generous.

As for common consideration, Im glad that my hallmates dont respect me. No one I know has a copy of Rights and Responsibilities. I mean really, if courtesy and consideration was a part of college life, we would have nothing to complain about! A complaint-free Brandeis just wouldnt be Brandeis at all. So, as I take my leave (hallway hockey calls) I urge you all to remember that our time at Brandeis is limited. Dont waste your last years of immaturity by pretending to be adults. Once we leave here, the party is over. No more cheap beer. No more Donnie Darko at 4 a.m. on a school night. We will have to be mature in the real world. At least, I think so.

Sometime during Hannukah my next door neighbor showed me her socks. They were green with red and white striped candy canes on them. I know its too early for Christmas socks, she said.

It might have been a little too early for Christmas socks, but something about them made me smile. When I saw the green, red, and white colors I immediately felt the warm holiday season spirit that everyone had always talked about. I thought of Salvation Army Santas, cheery window displays, hot apple cider, and houses that sparkle with lights. I was surprised.

But what is suprising about those feelings? Well, that may have been the first time I have ever felt real, pure, Christmas spirit. Why? It all began in my public school education in a small Western Massachussets town.

I was the only Jewish kid in my elementary school, and one of the only Jewish kids in my middle and high school. My local public school system was not really big on diversity since there was none there. Therefore, I grew up protesting fun activities like class caroling trips and making ornaments for my nonexistent tree. I also grew up educating my isolated and sheltered peers. (Yes, Jews do celebrate Thanksgiving. And birthdays.)

Being completely surrounded by white Protestants made me grow to hate Christmas time. A Christmas tree in the main office, Secret Santas, Deck the Halls contests I was smothered in it. It was something that kept me apart and only reminded me of others insensitivity and cultural arrogance.

As you can well imagine, coming to Brandeis was quite a shock. On arrival, I reveled in my new-found normalcy. I was the majority now. And now, after a year at Brandeis, I have made some observations.

For one, I can finally enjoy Christmas. Now that it isnt being shoved down my throat, I can finally appreciate the spirit of the holiday and how happy it makes people. I can finally let the warm smell of cinnamon and roasted chestnuts be a part of my own identity, and enjoy it as such. A week ago, I put on a Santa hat for the first time. A year ago I would have been offended that a professor suggested I wear it. But this time, it was fun!

But going from minority to majority is not all peaches and cream. Being Jewish had always been an important part of my identity. My grandparents are Holocaust survivors. I can play Fiddler on the Roof on my flute. Every time I saw the word Judaism in a textbook, I got excited. I grabbed any book I could find about the Holocaust. It all felt personal my culture, my people, my history. I was the Western Mass representative of the Jewish people the resident expert, and I was full of pride.

Brandeis, in a sense, took that from me. I no longer jump when I see the word Jew. How could I? Id be jumping every other second. I am no longer an expert on Judaism. Brandeis has taught me that I know very little about my own religion. Apparently, I am not qualified to be an expert because I cannot speak Hebrew, do not keep kosher, have not read scripture nor do I live by the Jewish calendar. On more than one occasion, I have been called a bad Jew by my fellow Jews for not attending services, doubting the existence of God, or eating lobster. Overall, the atmosphere here has made me feel less Jewish, and question whether Judaism is really all that special in the first place.

I will not live at Brandeis forever, however. Hopefully I will find a home that is somewhere in between the two extremes I have experienced. But coming from a place where I was the minority, I have wondered about the effect that the Jewish culture at Brandeis is having on its non-Jewish students. Do students of other religions feel frustrated when their friends assume they know what a mezuzah is? Do they feel offended when professors refer to the Jewish people as we or make Jewish inside jokes? Do Muslim students feel uncomfortable discussing the situation in the Middle East? Are Christian students as upset about the lack of an Easter vacation as I was when a high school teacher scheduled a test on Yom Kippur?

There is definitely work to be done. While I would never ask for people to be less Jewish themselves, the institution (which brags non-affiliation with Judaism) could do well to take the Jewish-ness of the campus down a notch. It would attract a more diverse student body that might have otherwise felt too overwhelmed by the Jewish presence to have be comfortable here.

By submersing ourselves in Judaism, we forget that there are other cultures out there. I worry that some students, who come from largely Jewish communities, will venture into the real world and be shocked to find that Jews really are a minority in this country, and in the world. Will they be prepared to answer questions like do Jews really eat rotten fishheads? Do they realize that people actually ask questions like that?

There is no clear plan of action for the Brandeis administration to take to improve this situation. While they should remain aware of it, most of the work must be done by the student community. The Jewish majority must make an effort to find that fine line between private life and public life and attempt to keep religion on the private side. Students and professors both need to stop assuming that all those they speak to are Jewish or feel the same way about Judaism. Once Judaism at Brandeis has become less of a given, it can become the unique and special thing it really is.