This Week in Sports

Baseball
Cleveland's C.C. Sabathia was placed on the DL after straining an oblique muscle on Opening Day.

Nuclear potatoes are the only answer

Are you afraid of the real world? I mean the world outside of the sheltered college environment? Are you even sure it exists in the first place? If you arent, then youre probably a very heavy drinker. This is a good thing, mostly because while sober and about to graduate, you tend to stay up nights wondering, thinking, fearing in the abysmal depths of insecurity who, once you are no longer in college, is going to feed you, fill up the toilet paper spindle, call facilities, cancel Modfest, or unlock your dorm room when you leave the keys inside and your roommate is in a different country because hes an international student who had to rush home because of a coup in Zimbabwe? The answers to all these questions can be found at the bottom of a Bacardi 151 bottle. However, you might not be cognizant enough at that point to understand them, and youll probably be pretty flammable by then as well.

Death never sounded so fun

Fun;

its a word that elicits memories of joyous occasions, be they some uproarious party whose hangover passed months ago or even a nice day on the town. While one can hopefully associate such an ideal to his life, the word is unfortunately left out of much of the music thats being produced and distributed today. Sure, those random pop songs of the week may have provided for a few sweet minutes of amusement at some random party;

yet, outside of that context, these songs are nothing more than arbitrary conglomerate products as empty and soulless as any attempt made at making these songs have some significant musical grounding. In the almost absolute absence of music that contains an audacious sense of humor, fun, and irony abound, rock n roll revivalists (in every sense of the phrase) Eagles of Death Metal emerge from the pit of doom and gloom to provide a hip shaking, heart pounding, and fun time.

In the forest of our Creator

Imagine a nice Jewish boy finishing his second year at Brandeis University. Since starting here, hes become connected as never before with his people and his roots;

now he studies Yiddish and attends Shabbes dinners on Fridays because he wants to. So this same student sings in the Gospel choir at Protestant services, praying in Jesus name with the rest. Friends, its time for a story which I must tell in my own way. Gather round

Brandeis goes Hollywood

There was nothing odd about the great white limo parked in front of the paparazzi-lined red carpet, except for the fact that the carpet led up to the Shapiro Campus Center. Its not the Kodak Theater home to the Oscars but it got to live the dream for one night. And with stars like Jesse L. Martin, from Law & Order and Rent, and S. Epatha Merkerson, most famous as the longest running cast member still on Law & Order, the dream wasnt half bad.

BSU or BS?

For one week a year, Brandeis attempts to be the ideal place for the incoming college student. Spring Open House brings a flurry of activity known as Bronstein Week in order to try and convince many students to attend our university. New grass (although ironically massive amounts of snow made this a moot point), cleaner dorms and loud music are all trademarks of Bronstein week, while the calendar is chalk full of events. The thing I dont understand about this years Bronstein Week is the strange selection of the theme Bronstein State University.

‘Deis: Just Another Glutton of Sensationalism

It is often said that a title can make or break a piece of writing, but who knew it would define one's readership in a campus newspaper. The Brandeis community often expresses disgust towards the American media: the media that propagates sensationalist stories, encourages political bickering, created sound-bite politics, and rarely debates actual policy. However, this criticism has not seemed to hold true in practice.

Student Events makes mockery of Greek symbols

As over 1000 accepted students and their families arrived on the Brandeis campus this Wednesday, they were greeted with the usual Brandeis welcomings blue and white balloons, banners, smiling faces. What seemed puzzling, at least to me, was that many of these banners, advertising Student Events upcoming Bronstein Weekend, contained Greek letters. Student Events, apparently masquerading as Sigma Epsilon, have proudly displayed these two Greek letters on nearly a dozen banners throughout our campus.

Just a Normal, Humble, Lethal Man

For the past four years, I have had the privilege of teaching (and founding) the Wun Hop Kuen Do (Combination Fist Art) martial arts club at Brandeis. During this time, I have mostly had the honor of being an instructor, but for the past two years, I have also had the privilege of being a student for one week a year. During this time, my Sifu (instructor), Grandmaster Al Dacascos, has flown in from Hawaii to lead a tournament and seminar that my club holds annually at Brandeis, as well as brush me up on my techniques (read: make me very, very sore). As I described it to my lab boss when I had to take off work, basically, Mr. Miyagi is living with me.

Letter to the Editor: Keeping racism out of our publications

To the Editor,
This is in regard to the poem printed in the March 28, 2006 issue, “I Hate Thugs.” as I read this title I sensed that the topic would be racially offensive and include a lot of stereotypes against the African American community but I was hoping I was wrong. As sure as rain, the poem is in support of racism, racial superiority and negative stereotypes against the African American community. I'm well aware of the fact that The Hoot newspaper is satirical but it is now pushing its limits to the sensitive issue of racism by singling out a particular race and attacking its common lifestyle and characteristics.